Life
by Andy Moore on December 31, 2012

WHAT THEY GOT RIGHT:

Bipartison bromance: Chris Christie and Barack Obama

In the wake of Hurricane Sandy, the governor of New Jersey and the POTUS engaged in some across-the-aisle crisis management and mutual praise, exacerbating what many Republicans saw as a God-sent wrench in Mitt Romney's campaign machine. That's bros for you: Uniting the nation, one joint disaster-zone survey at a time. 

 

Yup, agreed. A political bromance is a beautiful thing. Just think of what would happen if Obama and John Boehner had that bond! We'd have a budget deal, we wouldn't have to hear thousands of awful fiscal cliff jokes, and we'd get awesome political scandals like the New York Times uncovering that the two used taxpayer funds to pay for cartons of American Spirits.

Bro show: Game of Thrones

HBO's megahit has everything a bro could want: boobs, gratuitous violence, boobs, wine&boobs, not to mention bros' lesser-known love of magic and whimsy.

 

C'mon, GQ. You guys know you love this show, and you know it's about more than boobs and gratutious violence. (Just kidding, it's totally just about the boobs and violence.)

Bro show: Ted

For starters, it's a Seth MacFarlane movie, which means legions of Family Guy-loving bros in the audience. Throw in Mark Wahlberg's bromance with a talking Teddy bear, raging party scenes, and an extended joke about white-trashy girls' names, and you've got the bro flick of the year.

 

Let's not forget about Mila! That movie was bro bait.

Bro Brew: Bud Light Platinum

The name says it all. But here, let @dadboner explain.

 

They quoted @dadboner. Correct on all accounts.

WHAT THEY GOT WRONG:

Bro-lympian: Ryan Lochte

The 2012 US Olympic team was full of bros—shocking, for a bunch of handsome high school athletes—but while all bros are created equal, some are more equal than others, as Ryan Lochte bro-ed out with the Sitch, wore whatever this is, and high-fived his own cardboard cutout. Jeah jeah jeah.

 

There is a line between bro and douche. Lochte crossed it here. And here. And here.

Our pick for Bro-lympian? Nick Symmonds, who came back from London and attempted to break the world record for the Beer Mile. He drinks Coors Heavies, which is cool.

Bro Word: #YOLO

Drake may want copyrights on it, but bros all over have already taken it as the Motto for their way of life—what's “carpe diem”?—because it's the perfect preface for: drunk texting your slampiece, hitting any and all bongs, mackin' on some brunch at dinnertime, etc.

 

No, no, no. We've covered this ad nauseum here, but YOLO was long ago co-opted by preteens and that one girl in college who made a new Facebook photo album once every two or three days. (Sample titles: “Like Trying to Solve a Crossword and Realizing There's No Answer…”, “We Were Merely Freshmen,” “YOLO'ing!!!”) It's a word meant to be deployed only in the most ironic manner you can possibly deliver it.

Bro-hemian style: Mewelry

First, the street-style crowd got wise to them. Then, everyone from us to Kanye gave the seal of approval. But now, every graying dad at your local beach barbecue is rocking a leather bracelet, and guys in light beer commercials are sporting stacks on stacks. This ain't just for metros at the annual GQ queerboy convention no more, bros.

 

I'm struggling to think of one guy I know who wears a substantial amount of jewelry.

WHAT THEY GOT TOTALLY RIGHT:

This was named the bro-iest thing of the year.

Couldn't agree more.

Andy Moore

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