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Some of the Best and Worst Alibis in Human History

By / 11.21.13

A fun-loving Bro will need a few in their life. Such is the risk of living fast and living hard. There’s a difference, though, between a good one and one full of holes. They can be life-saving or life-ruining.

For instance: Juan Catalan spent five-plus months in jail charged with the murder of a 16-year-old girl before he was cleared using B-roll footage from a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode. Scenes that ended up on the cutting-room floor showed Catalan eating a hot dog at Dodgers Stadium at the time of the murder. He later sued for, and won, $320,000 in damages. Classic Larry David situation. A little darker than normal, but definitely quirky.

Not surprisingly, though, for every great and truthful alibi, there seems to be dozens of half-baked and nowhere near believable alibis. Here are a few of the craziest:

Julia Biryukova’s explanation for how her two-year-old daughter went missing struck investigators as bizarre. That’s because it was strikingly similar to the plot of a Law & Order: SVU episode that aired THE NIGHT BEFORE the disappearance. To be fair, it’s a great show.

Janell Athalone-Afrika had a perfectly logical excuse for why she wasn’t guilty of welfare fraud. The ol’ Evil Twin Defense. That’s just solid creativity right there, and the plot of many a family-friendly movie.

Walter White’s Fugue StateOK, it didn’t take a hard-boiled detective to see through this incredible bit of bull that ol' Heisenberg used to explain his prolonged absence during the second season of Breaking Bad. It was arguably the first “big” lie he ever told and foreshadowed what would come. Like all flimsy alibis, it was eventually found out, albeit a bit too late.

When police in South Carolina stopped a woman from wandering the streets with a stolen horse, she calmly explained that the erratic driving wasn’t on her and it was, in fact, the horse that was drunk. Authorities did not believe her tale, but she escaped without serious penalty when the horse’s owner declined to press charges.

When the Winona Ryder was caught red-handed stealing thousands of dollars of merchandise from Saks Fifth Avenue, she had a perfectly plausible explanation. As a serious method actress, she was just preparing for an upcoming movie role. Her commitment to the craft did not help her avoid conviction on two felony charges.

Alibis are like nights out. Some are good, some are bad, and some are just plain ugly. 

Choose wisely. It's the best you can do. 

If you're in need of an Alibi, post a comment below and see if you are granted one by an audience of your peers.


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