Life
by Fitz E Fresh on June 4, 2014

go-down-on-girls

Submit your Ask a Babe questions here.

Q: Do I need to be a box muncher to have friends/get chicks?

A: In short, duh.

Box munching will get you a reputation amongst the ladies and all of the panties dropped.

Seriously, if you’ve got exceptional skills, girls are probably talking about it.

Shit; from where I’m standing it could probably get you your first job.

Though personally I’m not hiring at the moment.

I think for the most part the extent to which you go down on a girl won’t and frankly should not affect your male friendships…It just doesn’t seem relevant. But in all other cases, be the master. Be the fucking guru.

Practice makes perfect.

You don’t need the skill to GET chicks; but it will most definitely help you KEEP them.

Q: Shaved pubes or nah?

A: Thanks for your brevity, low-maintenance breau. While this does fall primarily under the category of, “personal preference”, there are still some guidelines by which you should abide.
Fully shaved can tend to be a little too pornstar, and jarring for the unexpecting girl. Full bush however, as we all know, can be a full-blown disaster of epically pubey proportions. Shoot for the happy medium.

Let it be known that you’ve gone through puberty, and are in fact a man rather than a boy–but also that you care enough about personal hygiene and appearance to do a little manscaping.

Q: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost three years and since we’ve started dating hers gotten me more and more extravagant gifts. Problem is that I don’t really feel the need or have the funds to do the same. Do you think that’s a bad thing or can a girl get away with it?

A: My response to this will probably not be a popular one, but what the fuck. I’m not here for the politics.

If your man has decided that you’re worth squandering a significant amount of his monthly paycheck on, just because–and not based on guilt or any other material standard…then, well, I just don’t see anything wrong with it.

And I also don’t think you should feel obligated to respond in kind. The value of a gesture or gift is not strictly monetary.

As they say, money cannot solve your problems nor bring you happiness (but it sure can help).
You can give him gifts that show you love him without breaking the bank. Cooking him dinner, watching the game with him, maybe throwing in a little strip tease…these are the things that will show him you love him back. Clearly the guy has the funds to buy the flashy shit he wants for himself, so leave that to him.

Q: What’s the worst pickup line you’ve gotten recently? I’ve been doing pretty good lately and getting numbers but can always use pointers for lines to not use. Thanks.

A: I had a pretty awkward one just this past Monday actually. I was leaving work dressed for an event that night when a guy stopped me and spit out a half-assed fake subway question. After I answered he started in with, “I’m sure you get this all the time, but you’re gorgeous. Do you get that all the time?” Which clearly left me in a very uncomfortable position of responding. When hitting on or complimenting a girl, don’t make them repeat or confirm the compliment you just gave them. It’s awkward enough to have a stranger wax on your beauty without having to essentially say yes, I agree, back to them.

He then said, “Are you someone important? You must be someone important, you look like you are.”

At this point my modesty is turning into self-degradation with, “No, I dunno, not all the time..” And, “No, I mean I’m not really that important..” And I was seeking an escape. Which came promptly when he asked if he could take me for, and I quote, “A coffee or a smoothie.”

When I told him my boyfriend hated when other guys bought my smoothies, he scampered off into the distance, only to be seen most days when leaving my office from now on out.

Submit your Ask a Babe questions here.

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