Life
by Steve Coulter on May 28, 2014

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Is there a better time to be a bro than right now? The weather has finally gotten consistently nice after what felt like a Game of Thrones-type winter, which means that it’s pool/beach season is upon us and the shorts- sandals look is about to be the standard attire for the next three months.

More importantly, it’s the season for girls wearing short shorts and that’s a good enough reason for guys everywhere to celebrate.

Girls wearing short shorts is a natural phenomenon that happens every year around this time, yet we tend not to give it the recognition as it truly deserves. Instead of covering up their legs with jeans or pants like they do for 75% of the year, girls openly flaunt their skin to get guys gawking at their backsides, and nothing could be better.

Personally, it’s one of my favorite pastimes about the late spring and summer months (right up there with the Kentucky Derby and the Fourth of July).

However, like with any good thing in life, it comes with a restriction – chiefly, you can look all you want (even though sometimes you shouldn’t), but you can’t touch.

What’s dangerous about this is that your testosterone levels peak to an all-time high but there’s no guaranteed release other than using your hands. In turn, this creates a super horny and stupid bro who’s looking at any and every female as a possible target.

I’m all for casting a wide net, but being somewhat selective in your process does have its positive attributes, especially when so many of the fish swimming in the sea are doing so with barely any clothes on.

Here are five problems that happen when girls wear short shorts:

1. Age

Legs don’t come with a face so it’s very hard to determine the age of a girl when looking below the waist instead of above it. Because short shorts cause guys to look down before they look up, they often get caught staring at a girl who’s far too young and only realize it after they’ve already made her a target of their sexual desires.

Is it too late to reverse your evaluation? No, but you still feel like a fucking pervert checking out a chick who’s getting ready for junior prom.

Don’t take too much blame though, how could you have known? Those short shorts made her legs and ass look like she was college aged at least.

On the flip side of this, you could easily be caught gawking at an older lady in short shorts thinking that she’s closer to your age when in reality she could be your mother.

See what I’m getting at here? It’s not all positive when it comes to seeing more skin.

2. Face

On a similar note to age, looking at a girl’s legs first eschews the natural course of physical attraction, which begins at the face level and goes down. If you’ve determined she’s hot because her ass looks fantastic in jean shorts, then you’re doing a disservice to your eyes.

Of course, it’s important to make judgments on her back side but this shouldn’t be the bottom line of your assessment.

You’ve got to get a good look at her face (sometimes hard to do if she’s wearing sunglasses outside) before making your approach.

I’ve seen so many guys go up to girls just because of what their butts look like and ended up regretting it after having a 30 minute conversation (or worse, sex) with a complete butter face.

As an ass man myself, I’m warning you: it’s a slippery slope.

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3. Body

It’s a bit harder for a girl to deceive you from noticing what her body is like, but it’s definitely a possibility worth mentioning here. Short shorts grab your attention and the more and more you look, you convince yourself that her legs are nice and therefore her body must be too.

I can’t blame a bro for this error in judgment because I’ve been there before. Nonetheless, you don’t want to get caught chasing a bigger chick just because the shorts she was wearing on a given day made her legs and ass appear more favorable.

This is a bad precedent that you don’t want to set in your life because then your standards will be lowered automatically and recovery will be next to impossible.

4. Fat

This one has nothing to do with deception or perception. Rather, it has to deal with blunt objective analysis: fat, un-athletic legs do not look good exposed in short shorts, yet every year more and more fat legs can be seen throughout the country.

As great as it is to see the queen sorority chick in those white shorts, it’s equally as painful seeing the 200-plus pound girl wearing the same exact shorts. It’s not a good look, but nobody has had the heart to tell her otherwise.

More importantly, this is America and she has the freedom to wear what she wants so who are we to tell her what to do? This puts bros in quite a bind because it creates a double standard.

5. Sex

I don’t know if this is scientific fact or not, but short shorts increase a male’s sex drive. However, there is no such correlation that girls who are wearing short shorts are more inclined to have sex with us. In fact, the opposite is probably truer – they’re more restricted, more protected even though they have less to take off.

Sure, having sex in the summer is easier because there are less clothes and more accessible places (see: the beach or the pool), but the reality is that it’s just as hard to pull in a chick now as it is at any other time of the year.

This is really problematic because when we see short shorts, the only thing men think about is ripping them off. It should make things simpler, but it really just complicates things further. And that’s the last thing a bro needs.

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