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What's winning the Internet today (09.16.13)

10 Absolutely True Ways Girls Change from College to Their Mid-20s

By / 09.16.13

Girls, though? They change. I think they actually get more out of the “college experience” than guys because they like to “get it all out of their system” in college. And once they're out, they immediately go into Real-World Mode while guys extend the college lifestyle for at least a few more years (or decades). The same girl that was giving you a handy in the backyard at your senior year Cinco De Mayo party is now disgusted by you the second she gets her cap and gown.

These changes become more and more noticeable the longer you're entrenched in the post-collegiate universe. Let's take a look at some of the differences between girls in college and girls in their mid 20's..

Sluttiness

Although it's completely true, it's also obvious so I won't spend too much time here: A girl in her mid-20's isn't just gonna walk up to you in a bar and start making out with you. You generally have to take any good-looking girl on at least a couple dates if you intend on closing the deal.

A college girl will suck your dick for a handle of Rubinoff. You probably don't even need the Rubinoff.

Sexual Experimentation

Sexual experimentation isn't exactly the same as sluttiness but it's loosely- related. Every college girl ever makes out with at least three other chicks and takes it further with at least one of them. For a dude lucky enough, you're there when it happens and can parlay what little game you have into the best night of your life.

If you suggest a threesome to your mid-20's girlfriend, she'll immediately reply, “Why, am I not ENOUGH?” And then make you pay her back in chores and PDA.

What They Look For In Guys

A college girl is much like an any-time-in-their-life dude. They care a lot about how the guy looks. If the guy is hot, they'll date and/or fuck him.

In the real world, looks aren't the end-all, be-all. If you don't make at least $60K and have a 5-year plan, you're probably not even getting her number.

On top of that, a college girl will have sex with you just because you play a college sport. I don't care if you're the pool cleaner on the swim team—if you travel with the team and wear the gear, you're getting pussy by association.

For girls in their mid-20's, sports are a “waste of time,” unless of course you play one professionally.

“Sorry baby, Tuesday's no good, I've got a basketball game that night.”
“Wait, you're a basketball player?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like you get paid to play basketball?”
“No, of course not. I play in a city league with my friends.”
“Oh, well what's the point if you don't get paid?”
“It's a lot of fun and a way to stay in decent shape.”
“Can't you just skip it?”

Getting Drunk vs. Getting Drinks

College girls guzzle Franzia straight from the box and wind up face down in the bushes.

Girls with jobs don't get drunk. They get drinks. There isn't a text a girl in her mid-20's sends more frequently than “Let's get drinks!! :)”. Their social media worlds revolve around meeting a friend at the bar, sitting outside, and having two glasses of wine 3-4 times a week.

Not only that, for girls in the real world, where you drink matters. You can't just go to Applebee's for drinks like you did when you were 21 because what if someone you know sees you at APPLEBEE'S?!? It's social suicide.

Opinion Towards Weed

College girls fucking love weed. Being a weed dealer in college is the lazy, illegal equivalent to playing college sports. If you smoke a girl up, she will touch your penis.

Girls in their mid-20's fucking hate weed. To them, the only thing less productive than playing intramural sports is smoking weed. “How is weed gonna help you get ahead in your CAREER?!?!”

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Halloween

A college girl dresses like Lil' Kim at the 1999 VMA's. A girl in her mid 20's dresses like Lil' Kim from the 1999 VMA's except she actually puts the pastie over her nipple.

Fashion

A college girl's wardrobe is more predictable than the outcome of a Disney sports movie (except Cool Runnings—every time I watch it I hope the sled doesn't fall apart). In the fall, they wear long-sleeve plaid shirts, dark blue jeans, and Uggs. In the winter, they wear a hoodie with the name of their school on it, black leggings, and Uggs. And in the spring, they wear a white tank top, those short denim shorts that come in a bunch of different colors, and flip flops that match the color of said shorts.

Girls in their mid 20's swag the fuck out. Even their around-the-house look is designer. Obviously they're making more money than their 20-year-old selves, but they also care way more about what people think about their style.

I on the other hand have been wearing the exact same two pairs of jeans since 11th grade.

Diet

This is semi-true for guys too, but for the most part we still eat like shit as we get older. Girls, though, go through a complete overhaul of their diet. A drunk college girl will tweezer-stab her way to the front of the late-night pizza line and inhale four slices just to make her puke more gross. And don't even get me started on college girls and Taco Bell. College girls are to Taco Bell what Harold & Kumar were to White Castle.

Girls in their mid-20's don't go to Taco Bell because Taco Bell is gross. They shop at Whole Foods and Earth Foods and Yogurt Land. They buy things like gluten-free goat milk and soy albino pigeon burgers. They yell at their fiances for buying non-organic ketchup.

This commercial is 100% true.

Number of Friends

A college girl has about 12 or so girlfriends she goes out with on a regular basis, because they all just want to go out and drink as much as possible and nothing else matters. There's no “drama” and everyone loves each other.

Girls in their mid 20's legitimately hate each other. Everything is one big competition. Who's got the better job? Who's got the richer fiance? Who's got the better recipe for quinoa? Guys measure themselves against each other, too, but they also don't let things get in the way of hanging out. A girl in her mid 20's has maybe 3-4 friends. because by the time she hits 26, nine of those college friends have either moved away, fooled around with one of their exes, or been placed on her shitlist for whatever stupid reason.

Dependence on Their Phone

A college girl is absolutely obsessed with her phone and will have her head buried in it regardless of the situation.

A girl in her mid-20's is absolutely obsessed with her phone and will have her head buried in it regardless of the situation.

Read Jimmy's archive here.


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