At this point, you'd think she would have been put off and I could go on living my life, but she kept going… and so did I.
This chick is unflappable, but I wanted to assure her my cyst-having dick was fine, so I quickly responded…
Sadly, she has yet to text me back. I will continue to wait with bated breath and fistfuls of coins.
P.s. Someone please go and add “Splooge McDuck” to the Urban Dictionary and cite me as the creator/first known origin of the phrase. Thanks.