This past Saturday night, while I was on my way to grab dinner with my girlfriend, I got a peculiar text message from an unknown Miami-based number. I get a lot of wrong numbers from 305 and 786 area codes because my phone is from there, but this one was different. The message read, "I guess you and Mike are trying to save the universe/all day." I'm assuming the guy this girl was trying to reach gave her the wrong number or she entered the wrong information into her own cell. Initially, as you can clearly see, I tried to correct her and was being nice about the whole ordeal, but then after the first few texts (shown above), I got the feeling that she was either an idiot or trying to f*ck with me because she realized her error. Not one to be a bore, I decided to have some fun.

At this point, you'd think she would have been put off and I could go on living my life, but she kept going... and so did I.

This chick is unflappable, but I wanted to assure her my cyst-having dick was fine, so I quickly responded...

Sadly, she has yet to text me back. I will continue to wait with bated breath and fistfuls of coins.

P.s. Someone please go and add "Splooge McDuck" to the Urban Dictionary and cite me as the creator/first known origin of the phrase. Thanks.