Usually I only Facebook Follies on Monday - Thursday, but a tipster sent this in and it is too good to not share this weekend. TL;DR: Guy named Alexander steals a girl's iPhone. Intelligently, she tracks the phone's exact location in iCloud and locks it, notifying the authorities. Because the guy who stole her phone stupidly logged into his personal Facebook, she unleashed a lengthy rant shaming him publicly to his friends. Alexander is very, very lucky she didn't press charges. 

Remember, if you have a great screencap for Facebook Follies, send it to BroBible here. Read the message below.