This weekend, delightful news broke: the end of humanity is nigh! And not in that stupid, Biblical sense, or even in the sense that people taking selfies at times of duress is a harbinger of doom.
No, a real, legitimate threat to our existence, in the form of an asteroid that will strike the Earth on March 16th, 2880, which is the day after my high school girlfriend’s 864th birthday, meaning the prophecies would be fulfilled.
Here’s what the Telegraph had to say:
A huge asteroid spinning at an “impossible” rate is hurtling toward Earth, on track to wipe out human life.
Sext.
Were it to make contact with the planet, it would hit at 38,000 miles per hour, exerting the same force as around 44,800 megatonnes of TNT.
An impact would cause an enormous explosion and tsunamis, changing the climate of the globe and destroying human life.
I am unbuttoning my shirt. Except, dump cold water on my dick, because some scientists are shitting on this prediction. Via Slate:
The only problem with this: It’s very, very unlikely the asteroid will whack us in 2880.
I would say that, yes, if you were rooting for the fiery death of all mankind like I am, that would be a problem. So, what are the chances it goes down?
[A team of scientists] found that the probability of an impact in 2880 is about 2.48 x 10-4, which is about 1 in 4000. That’s really small.
Oh, well. Guess it’s back to hoping for pestilence or famine. Why won’t the world just end for a Bro? Life is so not fair.
[Asteroid via Shutterstock]