A couple walking along the beach in Spain found the most horrifying monster of all: a giant squid.
It is 30 feet from squid head to squid toe and weighed 400 pounds. Now it's dead and there is revenge to be exacted. Who is to say the squids won't blame us? After all, we found the body. "Oh, hey yea, we just saw this thing. Had nothing to do with its sea murder." No. No fucking squid is going to buy that story. I don't know if it was Obama who ordered the hit, or Putin, or a deranged sea captain, but it doesn't matter. All humans are evil in their eyes, cruising through their ocean houses in shipping tankers and dipping their body parts into microwaved marinara sauce. The time has come. The squids are ready to kill us all. Seriously. Look at these fucking things. I'm moving to Colorado.