The weather this time of year is a fickle fucking mistress. It alternates between warm and cold, fluctuating so tremendously that it often leaves us confused on how to dress. Why, this Friday, I left my house without a jacket because it was so warm, and wound up walking home in the dark, shivering and shaking in the near freezing weather.
But this week, there should be no vacillation. For it will be one thing: Mother fucking cold. Winter is coming early, bitches, thanks to a monster storm up in the Bering Sea.
It’s a doozy, the strongest ever, the remnants of a typhoon that will produce 50-foot swells in the coldest water known to man. And it’s also going to force a fuckton of cold arctic air down on America. From the Capital Weather Gang:
The storm’s deep intensity is forecast to start a chain reaction on the weather across North America, creating a strong ridge of high pressure over the West Coast, which will force cold, Arctic air into the lower 48 next week.
Temperatures could be 15 degrees below normal in some places. That means highs in New York in the mid-30s come Thursday. D.C. should expect mid-40s for the end of the week. By the time it’s over, everyone in the Midwest will most likely be dead. From The Vane:
Highs in Chicago, for instance, could sit in the low- to mid-30s from Wednesday through Sunday and possibly longer than that. For a more extreme example, this Sunday could be the last time Minneapolis sees the north side of freezing for a week or longer.
Hey! You know what? Fuck that. I’m moving to Tahiti. I can blog from there. Good luck to the rest of you.