Not me, but a friend was getting real wasted on St. Paddy's day. He went outside to the smoker's patio smoke and call someone on his phone.
After smoking and calling, he tried to walk back in. But apparently the floor-to-ceiling windows looked a lot like the glass door. He walked directly into one, smashing his plastic cup of green beer into his chest and bashed his face on the window.
The bouncer was trying really hard to be tough as he told him to leave while laughing hysterically.
Edit: St. Paddy's.
It was a regular Thursday night and the college crowd was in for Thirsty Thursday. The night was going smoothly people must have been in the generous mood because it's to this day the best night I've ever received in tips. I ended up making $600 that night alone in tips. It was unreal.
Anyways there was this hot group of ladies sitting at a table and I'm making eye contact with this smokin' brunette the whole night. She was hands down the most beautiful woman I had ever laid my eyes on. I noticed every other girl had a guy at the table with them except her. I assume they were the boyfriends as they were acting pretty protective of the girls.
As the night goes on this one guy with an Ed hardy hat, Shiny design t-shirt and green shoes went up to the girl who I had been making eye contact with the entire night. He sat next to her they look to be having a pleasant conversation so I turn away to deal with other customers. It must have been about two hours later I hear this guy yelling at this girl and he's slurring his words something along the likes of "You fucking cunt, you'd be lucky to get this dick tonight! FUCKING BITCH!" I hop over the bar and go up to them and tell the guy he has to leave since he's staggering and he looks like he had one too many. The guy refuses to leave so I signal one of the waitresses to grab a bouncer.
I'm trying to calm this guy down but he keeps yelling and shouting about how big of a cunt this girl is and how he deserves to get laid tonight because he's a catch and how he treats women with respect. Ironic right? Calling a girl a cunt but you're treating a woman with respect? Anyways the bouncer comes and they drag this asshole out of the bar.
I hop back over the counter to continue work. The hot brunette comes over to the bar and thanks me for getting that asshole out of her face and introduces herself. Tells me her name is Kelsey and asks me what my name is I tell her etc, We get to talking and I tell her it's just part of my job and that I deal with assholes all the time. She asks for my number and I give it to her.
At the end of the night this brunette is waiting for me to get off work and we end up taking a cab back to her place. I exit the cab and walk her to her door. As were about to enter her house she said she needed something from me first. I ask her what she needs, she says " "I need about tree fiddy." It was around this time I realized that Kelsey was 8 stories tall and a crustacean from the paleolithic era. The goddamned Loch Ness monster had tricked me again!
We ended up hooking up countless times after this night and we still remain friends today and whenever she's horny I'm just a phone call away. Overall a very good night.
TL;DR Some asshole was yelling at a girl, I step in get the asshole to leave. I get her number and am surprised when I reach her house.
I'm not a bartender but I worked in the kitchen of a bar. I walked into work and get back in the kitchen when immediately our youngest cook who was just getting off work comes back and says "There's some dude wandering around back here, I think he's looking for the bathroom." We have extremely easy to find customer bathrooms as soon as you walk in the door and we also have a bathroom in the back for staff. Anyways, we walk back and can't find him anywhere. I finally open up the freezer and he's standing there looking the other way. I start " hey man you need some help finding you're way ba....WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?" you can tell where I looked down and saw the hug pile of piss on the freezer floor and some real wet boxes of wings. Dude had to pay for like 5 boxes of wings and was banned.
I have been cut off:
I was trying to order a drink, where the female bar tender skipped me around 6 times, serving what appeared to be her friends. Finally I said "Am I fucking invisible". then I got the defacto "Are you swearing at me?" To which I replied "I was making a statement, if I was swearing AT you, I would be calling you a Cunt, CUNT"
I was the bartender for my friends wedding. It was pretty low key with only close friends and family, which is great because I'm not a pro at making drinks. One guy I didn't know came up and ordered a triple jack and coke, which is odd cause its a small wedding, people usually aren't trying to get smashed of triples. After about three more he starts telling me how he used to sleep with the bride and he was going to try to do it again. After I informed him that the groom was one of my best friends and if he kept talking I'd knock his teeth out he asked me for "one for the road", I told him "fuck yourself, you're cut off".
Drunk Image via Shutterstock