Another year is about to be ripped from our Kittens With Mittens wall calendar, and once again, the great state of Florida wins 2014.
It’s getting to the point where other states shouldn’t even really try to compete. Florida will win. Florida will always win. Between the hot weather, the seclusion from the rest of the country, and the fact that it’s starting to relish in the idea the whole state is mental, Florida will be this country’s crazy cousin for a very long time.
Florida didn’t disappoint in 2014 (when does it ever) as this year the state was home to a tri-boobed woman, massive creatures being captured, high school prostitution ring and possibly the grossest thing to ever happen in a Chili’s kitchen.
The WTF tales in the Sunshine State were bountiful but these were our fifteen favorite from the year 2014.
The Day They Tore Down A Strip Club That Looked Like A Pair Of Titties
A Winter Park, Florida “night club” that’s been home to various strip clubs throughout the years is reportedly being bought by the city over market value so the city can tear it down and rid themselves of the gigantic boob stains they so despise.
Florida Man Shoots 719-Pound Alligator With Crossbow, Wrestles It Into Submission
Fed up with the “aggressive” behavior of a 700-pound alligator, Clark Woodsby went all Rambo and took the law into his own hands, claiming he “struck the behemoth in the shoulder with “a perfect shot” from 15 yards away, then wrangled it onto a boat and shot it in the head with a .357 Magnum with help from three buddies.
Never Trust A Prostitute Carrying A BB Gun
A man in Ocala, Florida set out to pay for a simple beej, but ended up getting carjacked by a crazed hooker with a bb gun. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.
A 17-Year-Old Florida Girl Was Been Charged With Masterminding A H.S. Prostitution Ring
A teed girl from Sarasota, Florida was charged with organizing a prostitution ring across two area high schools. Police say that she was charging $40 for a bottle of booze and sex with a minor.
Florida Man Tries To Shoplift Chainsaw By Sticking It In A Really Odd Place
If there are any shoplifting experts out there I’d love to hear your thoughts on this Florida man who tried stealing a chainsaw by shoving it down his pants.
The Saddest Mugshot Of All Time Caps Off The Saddest Story Of All Time
All this guy wanted was a taco from Taco Bell. He went about it the wrong way. Sad face.
Cops Find Over 100 Cats And A Foot High Pile Of Cat Shit In Florida Home
One couple in Florida has been charged with animal neglect, and police have removed 123 cats from the home (two have been euthanized). While removing the cats from the home police found parts of the floor to contain cat shit piled 16-inches high off the floor.
Florida Schools Were Able To Provide Kids With Satanic Coloring Books Thanks To A Free Donation
The Satanic Temple has submitted ‘The Satanic Children’s Big Book of Activities’ to be included in schools throughout the Orange County School District in Florida. Why? Because FLORIDA, that’s why.
Two Florida Men Catch 13-Foot, 765-Pound Alligator With Their Bare Hands, Name Him Lumpy
Two Jacksonville area men are making headlines after they wrassled up a 765-pound alligator named Lumpy, using only their hands, rope, and a few hooks.
Chili’s Cook Fired For Posting Provocative And Topless Photos From Inside The Kitchen
In case you wanted another reason to never eat out again, this stuff goes on on the same table where they prepare your ribs.
Florida Teen Arrested For Making Sweet Love To A Stuff Horse — In A Walmart
According to cops, Sean Johnson, 19, walked to the store’s bedding department with a stuffed toy horse and proceeded to pleasure himself–a lewd act that was captured by surveillance cameras.
A Florida Girl Wanted A Boob Job So She Added A Third One
If you don’t remember Jasmine Tridevil, get yourself aquatinted.
Half-Naked Florida Woman Arrested For M.O.M.–Masturbating On Motorcycle
Moms need self-loving time too. They just shouldn’t do it on a motorcycle in the driveway in front of little kids.
Strip Club Won’t Let Guy Leave With Open Beer — So He Opens Fire
This guy just wanted to take his beer with him, which is frowned upon by just about every liquor selling establishment, so he voiced his displeasure by opening fire on the club.
Florida Man Accused Of Murder Allegedly Asked Siri “The Best Place To Dump A Body”
Anyway, 20-year-old Pedro Bravo is accused of murdering his roommate. Without a plan, the man turned to know-it-all Siri, the iPhone application that makes suggestions based on questions from users.
Check out all the best WTF Florida tales from this year, and every year, in our archive.