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I Hooked Up With My Female Friend And Now She Won’t Talk To Me, What Do I Do?

By / 08.21.14

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Q: My closest female friend and I had a little weekend hookup, but afterwards things seemed to be changing. I confronted her and asked what was up. She responded with she “doesn’t know” and “wants to figure her life out”. What do I do now? Keep pursuing while continuing to be there for her or is this her way of nicely saying nothing will ever happen?

A: When translated into “Girl,” what I just read is that she thinks she fucked up by letting you get out of the friend zone and feels guilty about it. Very best case scenario, she’s considering it, but in the most confused and unsure manner ever.

Pursuing her is not the answer. It’s high-risk and frankly just not worth it. When you’re lucky enough to forge a friendship with a member of the opposite sex without underlying sexual weirdness its my belief that its best to keep it that way. At this point it seems like some of said weirdness may have already begun festering, so a bit of damage control may be in order.
Again, not pursuance. Reroute the vehicle back towards friendtown. No more attempts at late-night rendezvous or flirty texts…period. I know it doesn’t seem like the fun or easy thing to do, but if you’re trying to salvage this friendship on any level, its the right thing to do.

Q: My hookup is moving across the state at the beginning of September, so during July I told her that we have no choice but to be “No Strings Attached”- she agreed and we’ve been fucking since. We’ve been friends/co-workers for two years. Her birthday is Tuesday and I asked if she wanted to do something special, like incorporate toys, something kinky. She told me to surprise her. Do I go ’50 Shades’ on her? Or just keep it casually kinky?

A: Now this is what I’m talking about.

Traditionally, her idea of “surprising her” probably involves a lot more flowers and home-cooked dinner than bondage and blindfolds…but you guys clearly have something great going on and I like where your head’s at. It’s a shame you’re losing the physical connection via the cross-state move.

Regardless, it’s pretty essential that you don’t go overboard here. This is your last chance to make a longstanding imprint on her sexual memory, so don’t fuck this one up by ball gagging her and forgetting the safe word you agreed on. What I have in mind is a nice trip to your classiest local sex shop. Definitely some tingly or cooling lube, a device that vibrates, some handcuffs and/or ties, maybe a pair of edible underwear.

I always reach out to one of the super helpful, super sexual and overtly lesbian store associates for a little guidance when needed so I suggest you do the same. These people have heard and done it ALL, so use them as a resource.

If you leave the store with a goody bag and a slightly formulated plan, I think you’ll be in good shape and can sort of see how things play out.

Q: For most women, if they stop initiating contact (say via text message), should I assume they’re no longer interested and back off? I’m newly back in the game after being in a serious relationship and marriage for my late teens and all of my 20’s. I’m out of the loop when it comes to understanding how much texting dictates communication now. I was seeing this girl, lots of texting and meeting up for nearly two months and the last 2 weeks she’s not initiated anything and seemed uneasy the last time we met up.

A: Sounds like you and the guy from question #1 are in a similar boat. Sorry to hear about the whole marriage fallout, but glad to know you’re hopping back on the wagon (or at least trying). Also, it seems like you’re catching on because texting does indeed dictate a wildly large percentage of relationships and the interactions leading up to them. Gone are the days of calling the house phone and sending handwritten letters via snail mail. Nobody gives a shit about romance anymore- nowadays, it’s all about convenience…and Tinder. You should probably download that ASAP if you haven’t already. From what I hear that shit gets you laid (sometimes). Probably worth taking a stab at.

Anyhoo, regarding the girl at hand– from my third party textual observations, it does seem that she’s lost interest. It happens. Maybe she’s just nervous. Either way, take a step back and wait to see if she chooses to initiate any conversation. Avoid becoming the “creeper” who continues to text despite a complete lack of response; get back onto the field and add some new digits to your repertoire.

Again, mad props for your efforts and interest. If at first you don’t succeed, get some more chicks’ numbers.

Q: I’m a 24-year old girl living the single life and definitely enjoying it. I go on plenty of dates and have my fun, but recently I’ve been wondering about the standards for getting tested and using protection beyond birth control? I always ask guys about when they’ve been tested but should I be doing more?

A: Because it’s such a personal thing, a lot of sexual tendencies and practices fall to individual preferences, which is fine. But I will say it’s important to take on full responsibility for your own personal health, because no one else can do it for you. With that comes committing to regular checkups with your lady doctor, and perhaps, just perhaps, considering using condoms. Yes, they fucking suck and don’t feel that great– but in the instance of a one-night stand, they’ll feel a lot better than waking up with Chlamydia a week later.

If it’s someone in your friend circle and not a random bar hookup, I’d say you’re probably a bit safer. Someone you’ve been going on dates with, probably the same situation. But who the fuck knows. I’ve seen some strange things go down amongst some of the least strange, least expected people I know.

Shit happens. Don’t let it stop you from having fun, but also don’t ignore the elephant in the room that is the forever-terrifying STD.

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