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Q. So my Lax team and I were traveling back home from a much-deserved win over a half-assed team when we look out the window to see a man, mid-20s, pants off, "cleaning his rifle" nonchalantly as if nothing in the world mattered. When the man finally noticed we saw him he didn't stop, he just casually slowed down and continued his "cleaning." So what I'm trying to say is, is jackin' it while driving all good?
 

A. I've walked in your shoes. I've witnessed another man take hacks at his j*zz whistle... in bumper-to-bumper traffic no less. I don't want to go off on a tangent, but at the time I was in middle school on a large bus trip organized by some family friends to a Yankees game. Imagine my friend's mother's reaction when she came out of the bathroom to see the entire bus looking out the left windows. Considering everyone had abandoned the right side to see this circus, she said "what's goin' on out there?" I didn't dare do it, but someone else shouted out, "some guys playing with his stick shift over here, Deb." She didn't catch on to that reference at first, but a few moments later she was thoroughly appalled yet she still she had the best seat in the house. So was she?

Guys have done this dating back to the horse and buggy (don't try to dispute this). Most do it on long lonely car trips taken on desolate highways. Sometimes they pull it because it's all they have to keep them from dozing off, other times it's because they've just eye-f*cked themselves in the rear-view. You can't fault a man for caving under those extraneous circ*mstances. However, then there are those remarkable few individuals who forgo discreteness all together. Fuck having their head on a swivel or caring, they'll never see you or that bus full of terrified children again. Without being drunk or fueled by chemicals, doing that takes something extra in your DNA.

If I were to give a "yes" or a "no" on jerking off in a car, I'd have to give it a yes. In the past, I've even endorsed it as a way to survive a one-man road show, so reneging on that stance would make me nothing but a fence jumper. And I'm no Mexican. I will say this: While I think it's fine if you feel the need on a long road trip, there is no reason to ravage yourself in traffic, on the commute home from work, or in public. Ever. Now as for getting road dome or other two-person activies, that's welcome anywhere.