Life
by Fitz E Fresh on June 27, 2012

Q: First of all, I know that Facebook is not a legitimate form of communication. That being said, certain circumstances make it necessary. After a fun Saturday hook up without an exchange of numbers, what’s the protocol for making contact? Does a friend request count as the first move? And if so, is the other person then supposed to send a message?

A: Yet another example of the virtual world complicating our real-world hookups.

In my mind, if a dude friend requests you post-hookup and makes no effort to contact you (give him about a two week window), consider yourself a notch on his virtual belt—and nothing more. They want to look at recent pictures of you, think about you naked and maybe show you to their friends, but that’s the only purpose the “add friend” click served.
Duped.

If he manages to contact you in a somewhat reasonable/timely manner, make sure he knows to get in touch with you via telephone in the future.

Q: So my friend's girlfriend asked me if I could strip for her cousins bachelorette party. I've never legitimately stripped so is there anything I should aim on doing specifically? Plus how should I prepare myself for the occasion?

A: Well aren’t you a lucky son of a b*tch? (You are). You’re about to be pawed at by a bunch of horny girls in isolation from any other males, while you dance around in your underwear. Even if you make a fool of yourself and don’t actually get laid, the bachelorette entourage is going to be all kinds of drunk and handsy, which should work out in your favor on some level.
Do however, be prepared, by doing the following

1.Buy an unexpectedly absurd outfit.
Seriously- go all out. I’m talking top hat, Velcro pants, cop uniform…whatever you gotta do. Nobody appreciates a mediocre stripper. God knows I don’t. 

2. Buy a thong
What did you think you wore under Velcro pants? Its all about the shock factor breau.

3.Manscape
Skimpy is funny; skimpy and hairy is f*cking sick.

4.Go to the gym
These girls are gonna be clawing at you like the last slice of pizza in a srat house, so go pump those muscles up in anticipation.

5.BYO mixtape –
You want to go in feeling confident, so prepare with the appropriate tunes that you know how to groove to. Otherwise, you’ll end up with your ass in the face of a bride-to-be while Spice Girls blasts throughout the hotel room.

Q: So, I'm a new driver, and I've been seeing more and more hot girls at stop lights. What's the proper etiquette in getting their attention? Loud tunes, or none? Have your number written on a bunch of papers ready to be handed out at the sight of a 10?

A: Getting their attention to do what? Scream casually between vehicles in the 15 seconds allotted?

Yes, hot girls do drive cars. Unfortunately for you, it’s really f*cking annoying when dudes try to holler every time you put your foot on the brakes. Distributing your number at random is an idea… A pretty f*cking stupid one, considering that nobody actually succeeds in a stoplight pickup..but it’s an idea no less.

I would suggest a more practical pickup locale, like a bar.

Don’t forget your business cards– and fake ID.

Q: So do you have a computer in your kitchen or what?

A: What the sh*t kind of a question is that?

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