Everything has changed since college. Gone are the days of skipping class on a whim to hit the pool with morally loose babes. You have real responsibilities now. No longer can you shamelessly binge drink and partake in promiscuous sexual activity with total strangers. Judgment from your peers would be swift and harsh. There was a time when you regularly crushed beers until the wee hours of the night before passing out in the front lawn. Now you’re lucky if you make it past midnight at the bar. The younger version of you was barely phased by the most horrifying of hangovers. Now it takes a 5-Hour Energy, three cups of coffee, and a slap in the face to get you going in the morning. Everything is pathetic.
There is one thing, however, that never fails to serve as a constant and annoying reminder of your irreversibly aged state: Facebook.