This is the latest installment of Ask A Bro with Waffles McButter. Got a question of your own for Waffles? Email firstname.lastname@example.org. You can also now follow Waffles on Twitter or be his friend on Facebook.
I received an invitation to the wedding of a slampiece I used to bang in college. Initially, I transferred the invitation to the trash can (the last thing I want to do is give any hint I give a shit about her), but recently her younger sister (who is also the maid of honor in the wedding) has been inviting herself over for late-night booty calls. This got me to thinking. Would it be better to show up to the wedding with the main goal of banging her sister afterwards, or stick to the initial plan of not showing up?
Let's see if I can somehow answer this in a manner that will cause our feminist friends to get their overgrown c*nt hair in a knotted bunch -- since that seems to be a common occurrence anytime I answer one of these lately. Just kidding, ladies, we'll try to keep this one civil... but no promises.
There are three main questions that you need to ask yourself before you respond to this invitation:
1. Are your friends, or other people that you could at least see yourself getting shit faced with, attending this wedding?
2. Do you have a deep-seeded desire to make this booty call your girlfriend because she pleases your cock in ways previously unimaginable?
3. Should you choose to not go to the wedding, would your night consist of you f*cking a fleshlight wedged between two two couch cushions while your mother looks on with tears in her eyes?
If you answered no to all of those questions, RSVP that you can't attend, site unchangeable, prior plans (like the anniversary of a loved one's death or that you got tickets to see an REO Speedwagon tribute band), and re-chuck that invite into your garbage pail. And I'll tell you why.
Going to this wedding by yourself, without any of your comrades or any intentions in a long-term relationship with this sister character, will just end up costing you money and a precious weekend night (should you value those things). And what is all that sacrifice really going to get you? An open bar for a few hours, undercooked chicken cordon-bleu, and the scent of familiar p*ssy at night's end? Fuck that, you'd almost be better off at home with the fleshlight... Almost.
Sure you could argue that if you go, you could meet another bridesmaid or random dame at the wedding, resulting in a wild fling involving the statuette from the top of the wedding cake and a little thing called sodomy, but chances are that this other chick will monopolize all your time and let it be known that on this night you're off-limits to anyone that isn't her.
But, in the event that you answered yes, to even one of those questions above, then you should consider going, it might prove to be a good time.