Do you cry yourself to sleep? Are your days spent mindlessly refreshing Facebook to see if there’s a new status update from an ex-special someone? Did you actually use the phrase “my life is empty” while talking to a friend over dinner last night? If you answered “Yes” to any of these due to the fact that you’ve just been dumped, then you might be an exaholic.
What’s an exaholic, you ask?
“‘ An exaholic has a very difficult time moving on,’ explains Dr. Lisa Bobby, the Denver-based therapist who created the program for the New York-based site.
‘They’re hooked into the relationship, and it’s difficult for them to heal and move on. They will use words like ‘devastation’ and talk about the loss — they tend to think fairly obsessively about their ex and have trouble in day-to-day life as a result of that.’”
Exaholic, giant pussy, Ron Weasley, same thing. If you’re one of the lucky people who fit the criteria and don’t want to be a crying mess anymore, you’re in luck.
“By treating breakups like addictions, exaholics.com provides a 12-step plan modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous — which can take a few weeks or a few months, depending on your pace — plus inspiring articles and tips posted by experts, and online chat forums where misery can find company.”
Or you could, y’know, suck it up and get on with your life. Shit sucks sometimes, but always remember that someone, somewhere, has it 100x worse than you. All the people in North Korea? Yeah, they’d gladly get their hearts broken if it meant they didn’t have to live under Kim Jung Un anymore. So go put your big boy pants on and stop wetting the bed like a little bitch.