On first glance, this seems like a lame story. Upon further inspection, it becomes clear that this is one of the most bizarre sagas you’ll ever read about. Let’s break this down.
Hundreds attend vigil for elk killed by police in Colorado
OK, first off, HUNDREDS? More than, like, a dozen crazy people were worked up enough about the killing of an animal to take time out of their busy days to pay tribute? Wow. Secondly, let’s hear more about this vigil. I bet it was an amazing scene wrought with moving tributes to a brave and noble animal.
The elk was honored with a makeshift memorial of candles, songs and stories.
They sang songs about the elk? What songs did they sing? Quick, who knows a good song about an elk? Anyone? Preferably something in the key of C. The elk LOVED good music, I bet.
Several hundred people attended a vigil Sunday in Boulder, Colo., for the elk that was killed by a police officer. It had wandered into a neighborhood, where it was fatally shot by an on-duty police officer.
Again, SEVERAL HUNDRED! And this information suggests that this wasn’t some beloved community elk that one time saved Christmas or some shit. It was a rogue animal that just happened to stumble into a residential area to see what was going on. What stories could the throng of people possibly have shared about this elk’s life? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.
The officer has said the elk appeared injured before he shot it. He has been placed on leave.
Yeah, that makes sense. You can’t just go around shooting strange elk, even if you have a badge.
Police say an off-duty officer who had called in sick the night the elk was killed took the carcass home to be processed for meat. The Boulder Daily Camera reported Monday that officer has a website that offers taxidermy services.
So let me get this straight. The officer who killed the animal is just lounging at home, downing elk meat like there’s no tomorrow, and watching daytime television? Yeah, that will totally learn him.
RIP UNNAMED ELK. We will never forget you.
[H/T: Fox News]