Life
by Brandon Cohen on July 11, 2014

Screen Shot 2014-07-11 at 11.59.03 AM

Would you believe it if I told you that the decrepit, Crypt Keeper-looking sonofabitch in the video below is actually 80-YEARS-OLD?!? Oh, you would? Okay, well, pretend he looks like he’s really, really healthy.

This video is in another language, so I have no idea what’s being said, but the gist of it is that this old Asian dude stays healthy by drinking his own piss. I’m assuming that this is only because the coconut water craze hasn’t made its way to Asia yet. He’s probably gonna feel like an idiot when he learns of the sweet, rejuvenating power of the coconut.

My grandma is over 80-years-old, and she looks like she’s healthier and in better shape than this dude, so, I’m sorry, but I’m not convinced. Not sure who in the Piss Lobby thought this guy would be a good endorser for their brand, but if you wanna start driving people away from water and sports drinks and towards piss, the guy you choose to endorse your product better look like Jack Lalanne.

I’d be okay with cutting my life short a couple years if it meant not drinking piss. I like cold drinks, and I also have a slight aversion to beverages that taste even slightly like piss, so this was really just not made for me.

But hey, it’s good to know that in the event of a nuclear holocaust, I’ve got a veritable vending machine of nutrients in my hog.

Brandon Cohen

About Brandon Cohen...

Brandon Cohen was raised by Jew gypsies on the sleepy island of Manhattan, and went on to defy the odds by graduating from a four-year accredited university in Nashville, TN. He's a writer and aspiring street fight videographer. Back in 2008, Brandon talked to Amanda Bynes at a club in LA for over fifteen minutes.