Honestly though, if you and your girl were having a quiet night in, watching Orange is the New Black while drinking red wine in moderation or some shit, and Snakes McSnakes came knocking (he’d definitely knock, even if you had a door bell. And make no mistake, his birth name is Snake McSnakes. I’d tell you to check his birth certificate, but he ate it.) and Snakes told you you’ve been replaced as her boyfriend, what could you possibly do? Talk back to the dude with a fucking anaconda around his neck?? Not even an option. You’d have to tuck your shriveled up snake between your legs and exit out the back door. You’d be talking to your boys like “Ya me and Christina were in love but then a guy with reptiles draped all over his body came a-knocking so I wish them the best of luck.”
When you on the train back from your sidepieces place and you don’t want bae to see your hickey.
[h/t barstool]