Life
by J. Camm on June 18, 2013

This story took place last year during the NHL playoffs, and I went to my favorite bar down the street to watch the Red Wings game. It was a Wednesday night, and had to be at work at 7am the next morning so I was just planning on having a couple beers and head home to finish watching the game.

I walk in and immediately see the kid that was friends with a girl I used to date. He was with one of his buddies and offered to let me join them. We had got along well when I was dating his friend so I sat down. A couple beers turned into, “Let's go to Cactus Moon (a country western club across town) for ladies night. I pretty much had forgotten I had to work the next morning, so immediately upon arrival to the club we pound some beers and take some shots…blackout mode comes early but the last thing I consciously remember at the bar was that he found some chick he knew and took off with her and I lost him.

However, my lights went back on at the worst possible time…I am standing, pants around my ankles, on some random-neighborhood street with the rear driver-side door open, butt-fucking this solid 3 of a cab driver.  I'd only give her a 3 because she had big tits. To this day I have no idea how I pulled this off or why the fuck I was horny enough to put myself into a situation of which I will never be able to get out of my mind.

I continue to go to pound-town (why stop now?), eventually finish, and rip the condom off and chuck it in the street, and make her take me home.  The cab fare was $45!  She kept the fucking meter running the whole time, and there was no way I was going to pay for this horrible event, so as we approached my house I told her to go a bit further down the street to a house that wasn't mine. I fumble through my pockets as if I'm looking for cash, and quickly open the door and bolt down the street. I check my 6 to make sure she couldn't see where I went to. I ran around to the back door (of course I did) and banged on it until my roommate woke up and unlocked it. The cabbie never found me and I escaped with a free cab ride and a night of unforgettable (and regrettable) anal sex (never thought I'd say I wish I hadn't had sex, especially anal).

I stumbled into work the next morning late, drunk, and looking like death, with a story I could never tell…

A year later, and 2 trips to the clinic later, still clean as a whistle…

Only in Tucson.

 

Only in Tucson? Is sodomizing a cab driver a typical night in Tucson or something?

NEXT!

Here goes… So back in high school my parents thought it would be really cool to send me on an Outward Bound trip (a 21 day trip in butt fuck no where) because they were concerned with my priorities and such. Pretty cool, though we spent seven days canoeing down the Yellowstone River and 14 backpacking through the Bear Tooth Mountains in Montana.

It was summer after 9th grade and being sent to Montana for 21 days with no phone and no girls was the last thing I wanted, but when my flight arrived in Billings, Montana Airport a cute little blonde with pink booty shorts led the charge off the airplane. I thought to myself “damn, wouldn’t mind her for 21 days.” Turns out she was in my group. Picture this. Middle of the mountains, no parents just two granola, hippie counselors to avoid. We managed to hookup at night and during the last part of the trip, I even managed to sleep in her tent but I wasn't about to fuck with her shit after 20 days and no shower (just the occasional river or lake to take a dip in) so I waited and waited but the time never came on our 21 day adventure. (Most of what I learned was about drugs and sex from our delinquent group. sorry mom.)

Fast forward to the airport. I'm with my buddy that I’d met on the trip and we were waiting for our flight. I'd already exchanged my goodbyes with the chick and was expecting to never see her again when all of a sudden she jumps on my back and yells in my ear “MY FLIGHT WAS CANCELLED.” She was very excited and I knew my flight wasn’t going to board for a while. So, I did what any bro would have done and scoped the airport out real quick for any place to be alone enough to get my nut. Quick thinking and very good judgment led me to the most secluded spot in the airport. I opened the door (conveniently it had a dead bolt) to find calm music playing, a nice couch to sit (or lay) on and even a TV. So like any self-respecting man would have done with a very horny lady friend, I locked the door and let her fuck the shit out of me until she let me bust in her (3 minutes into it, and it may or may not have been a mutual cream pie if you know what I mean). At that particular time I didn't have much concern and cream pied that shit on my very first time and will always be able to tell my story how I lost my virginity in a Nursing room in Billings, Montana Airport. And proudly not a parent…

if you like my story i just hope you guys edit them before you post em cause i’m not correcting shit.

 

Is hitting the Shift key to capitalize words really that exhausting for you, you lazy piece of shit? I’d like for every one to know that you managed to CAPS an entire string of words but not one fucking “I” in your entire story. Out of principle, I left his entire last sentence as he submitted it.

I'm the drummer of this band (not giving you the name so it won't be stolen) and we just had a major change-up in our line-up. I had to fire my bro (singer/guitarist) for being a total d-bag and hired this hot piece of ass as our new singer (let's call her Missy).

Me and my bros in the band made a solemn oath to not try to hook up with her (really, like I would not try to hit that).

Fast forward a couple of months and we have our first show. Huge success. In the after show party, booze is flowing like a fountain. Missy is really drinking like one of the bros. She gets extra flirteous and gives me this look that she wants it now. Being thoroughly smashed, I didn't object. We find the closest room and get to it.

Front-door, back door, dome, doggie, name it, we did it all. I blow on Missy back door and she passes out. I get dressed and leave but surprise! I stumble on my ex-bandmate 19 years old virgin little sister (let's call her Precious). We start chatting and invite her to the party. That's when I knew how to get back at his d-bag brother!

She starts drinking like if there is going to be a shortage of booze in the entire world. By then, my other bros are either passed out or making out with some chicks so none of them notice Precious in the room. After maybe her 20th shots, she sits on my lap and we start fooling around. She goes topless and pour beer on her beautiful perky tits so I could drink up. I am so worked up that I think f*ck it, pull her pants down and get nasty.

After 5 mins, my bros notice that I'm banging a chick that turns out to be Precious. I tell them that tonight, we are getting back at his d-bag brother. My bros (we are 4 bros in the band) make a line in front of her and get dome form her while she is riding me. They finish on her face and tits and I blow my fat load inside of her. My bros leave with their girls and huge grins on their faces!

Now, Precious wants to keep it going, so why not? But, I have forget about Missy! She comes back in the room while I'm feeding Precious with my man meat. Missy asks me who the hell is she and I answer that she is the ex-singer little sister. She smiles and I'm not even kidding, joins in. We go at it for another hour before we call it quits and go home.

To this day, I'm dating Missy and we get to have some fun with Precious time to time. Best part, the band and Precious' brother made up. We are now bros again.

We didn't tell him yet, maybe in the future but we sure can't help it to grin like the Joker every time we see our bro giving a kiss on his little sister cheeks!

 

Note to author of that story: next time you give a character a name, especially if she is supposed to be hot, it's best not to slap one on her that is synonymous with a deafeningly obese chick.

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