Drunk Guy In Need Of BBQ Sauce Gets 9-Year-Old To Drive Him To The Store And This Story Doesn’t End Well

A drunk man from Kiffin, Ohio was in need of barbecue sauce for his chicken on Saturday night but recognized he was too hammered to get behind the wheel at that moment. He then resorted to his only reasonable option: getting his 9-year-old neighbor to drive his red Ford vehicle on down the road to the ‘Pit Stop’, a carryout shop that sells barbecue sauce.

His plan fell apart when employees of the Pit Stop (located at 321 E. Perry St in Kiffin, Ohio) took notice of the 9-year-old driving the car and objected to the man allowing to the child to drive anywhere. Naturally the COMPLETELY SHITFACED HAMMERED THREE-SHEETS-TO-THE-WIND guy then got behind the wheel himself and attempted to drive himself and the young child back home. It was around this time that the local Tiffin Police noticed something awry and pulled Cory D. Mathias, 27, over.

From there the Tiffin PD gave 27-year-old Mathias a breathalyzer test that resulted in him blowing a .300, which is almost 4x the legal limit of .08. According to The Courier, Mathias was charged with seven crimes which include the following: two counts of endangering a child, driving while intoxicated, refusing a breath test (he later acquiesced), driving with a suspended license, wrongful entrustment of a motorized vehicle, and obstructing police business.

The Courier (a Northwestern Ohio publication) has the full story:

TIFFIN — He was already sauced, but he wanted some for his chicken.
Police say a drunken Tiffin man, Cory D. Mathias, 27, had his 9-year-old neighbor drive him to a carryout to buy barbecue sauce for a chicken dinner Saturday night.
Employees at the Pit Stop, 321 E. Perry St., objected to the underage chauffeur and wouldn’t let the child drive back home, Tiffin police said.
So Mathias took the wheel, but police pulled him over.
Police said Mathias had been imbibing before he went on the barbecue sauce expedition: His blood alcohol content was .300, nearly four times the legal limit.
Mathias is facing seven charges, including two counts of child endangering, police said. He’s also charged with driving while intoxicated, refusing a breath test, driving under suspension, wrongful entrustment of a motor vehicle, and obstructing official business, police said.

According to that report the 9-year-old’s parents didn’t know the neighbor was completely shitfaced. Though based on the way things are worded in the report I’m led to believe they did know that their young child would be doing some driving…which doesn’t really compute.

Either way, I think we can all admit that 27-year-old Cory D. Mathias is now in the running for 2015 Neighbor of the Year, an award that unfortunately for Cory doesn’t cary a cash prize to cover his $68,000 cash bond amount.

Also, I’d like to send a shout out to reader T. Murman for tipping me off to this story over on Twitter!