Life
by J. Camm on May 23, 2012

This might be Hook-Up Heroes’ finest moment. The tale of a bang sesh from before most of us were born. Really the perfect inspiration to go out and do something utterly deplorable this weekend.

I’m a senior Bro, I graduated from Fresno State in 1983…yeah, that kind of senior. I love reading the hook-up stories mainly because more than half of them are pure bullsh*t. I love the 24/7, hard dick, free internet smut-fed fantasies of the adolescent mind. I still have them. From the archives of a lifelong, Original Bro comes this old school hook-up…

It was the summer of 1981. My girlfriend had just graduated from Fresno State and had landed an entry level, resort management job up in Bend, Oregon. She had to be up there in just a few days so I agreed to U-Haul her stuff up in a week or so. I recruited the help of my best buddy from school, rounded up a jar of cross-tops (aka speed) and got busy packing for her. A week later we road it from Fresno to Bend in an all-night, whites and beer assisted speed run.

After unloading the truck and turning it in, I was looking forward to spending a few nights with my girlfriend. We both knew full well this was probably going to be the final weekend of our relationship; I was returning to school full time and she was working 12-hour days in another state. When I arrived back at her place she tearfully informed me she had just been put on the night shift and couldn’t hang much. Not ones to be sidelined, my bud and I found a local honky-tonk, The Woolen Mill, in which to pass away the hours.

We had a blast drinking, shooting pool and dancing to an Allman Brothers-esque, roadhouse band with two chicks we met there from South Africa. Monika and Annika were traveling the U. S. together on student visas. Cute, bubbly, nice little bods, solid 6.5’s until their accents kicked them up to 8’s. My bro made a strong, nearly successful run at the blond, Annika but, got shot out of the saddle in the end. No big, not the first time.

A couple of days later we boarded the last Greyhound Bus out of Bend, South, back to Fresno, a seventeen hour ride.  Before we left, we had stuffed our full-size back packs with a bunch of beer, tequila, some food and the remaining cross-tops.

As we made our way toward the back of the nearly empty bus, lo and behold, there sat our girls from the bar. We immediately offered to share our stash with them, they quickly accepted. Within minutes, we were crushing and snorting speed, drinking shots of tequila and slamming beers. A few hours into the trip, we had been partying and playing cards, my buddy got up to go to the head and the dark haired gal, Monika jumped into his seat next to me. Rubbing my arm she asked if I had a going away f*ck from my girlfriend. When I said no, she said something about how horny I must be.

As we were chatting and getting closer I glanced over at my Bro and Annika. They had moved to the seats across the aisle and one row back. His head was back on the seat, eyes closed and Annika’s blond hair was bobbing up and down as she throated his cock. Kid had game, took up where he left off a couple nights before in the blink of an eye. I pointed out to Monika what was going on. She turned back to me and asked if I wished Annika was doing that to me instead. I told her I was partial to looking down at dark hair like hers when I was being blown. With that she grabbed on and starting making out deeply with me. Quickly she had my Arthur Ashe tennis shorts unzipped and was working my boner by hand, by mouth and back and forth between tonguing my throat and swallowing my wood.

As she lay across me I reached behind her and slid my hand down the back of her Dolfin running shorts. She spread her legs to give me open access to play digital slip-n-slide in her soaking wet gash. After a few minutes of superb work on her part, I told her she was about to make me spew, upon which she took me deep and pumped in and out, face f*cking it. I unloaded a long overdue, aneurysm-popping geyser down her throat.

Her body kind of shuddered a little as she chugged it down. When she sat up, she kissed me. The taste of my own jizz still lingered in her white-hot mouth.

Monika grabbed her bag and the blanket she had and went back to bathroom. A few minutes later she returned with the blanket wrapped around her and explained that she felt it was a good idea that she put in her diaphragm before things went further. With that she opened the blanket to reveal her attire, a braless thin, white tank top and nothing else. Her pubes were trim for the 80’s, jet black, and wispy. I reached in stroked her and started double fingering her as she stood on one leg and rested one knee on the seat. She was dripping wet. My fingers popped in and out as she gripped them inside.

Right then, one of the 5-6 other passengers started making their way back to the restroom. My Bro masterfully and loudly announced; “Be careful! Somebody puked all over back there!” The other passenger turned back, deciding to wait for the next stop. With no more interference, Monika pulled my shorts all the way down and straddled me. Working her wet, slippery opening back and forth on me, I quickly rose to the occasion. She found the angle she wanted, slowly jabbed just the tip in-and-out till she felt right then impaled herself on me in one deep stroke.

Keeping it deep and grinding onto my rod, she rode back and forth, around in circles then finally slamming it all the way out and all the way back in. Her body started tensing as she jammed faster. When she came, her nails dug deep into my neck and shoulder, breaking the skin as she flooded me with a release of hot juice that was unbelievable. She was my first squirter.

The rest of the trip was just as epic. Early in the morning Monika asked if she and Annika could trade places for a bit….because they had a goal for the number of guys they would f*ck on their trip and could put two on the board in one night. That arrangement was fine with my buddy and me. By then we all were pretty high and drunk. Annika sucked away on my now numb joint and I plowed her hard without much result for me. She seemed to dig it. It was just pure drug and alcohol fueled debauchery at that point.

We pulled into the Fresno bus station as the dark sky was just glowing morning orange. My bro’s dad picked us up in his dusty old pick-up. The girls, who were heading on to the City of Angels, got off the bus to say good-bye to us. They looked hard rode, hair wild, faces blotchy red, tank-tops all stretched out and stained with God only knows what. My buddy’s dad just stood there, shook his head, smiled and spit tobacco juice on the ground. I gave Monika my phone number. She called from New York later in the summer to tell me our bus trip had been the highlight of her U.S. adventure. Unfortunately the message was on my answering machine and I never spoke to her since that night on the last dog smoking out of Bend… Live well my friends….

Um yeah, going to be difficult to top any story that includes a diaphragm…

I recently took my first trip to fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada, with two other bros. If you’ve been there, you know about the magical, f*cked times you can have. If you haven’t visited, put it on your “to do” list to party in Sin City.

Our first two days were great. Laid by the pool with some Swedish girls going to Coachella (still waiting for that friend request Anika), drank heavily until 7 in the morning both nights/days, gambled enough money away, and inhaled unhealthy meals whenever we felt like eating. I was perpetually stoned as well, smoking blunts and the chillum before we went anywhere. On our last night in Vegas, we decided to go all out. We had a few crazy stories already; getting a car ride home from a dominatrix, my buddy received a free hand job from a hooker, went to a strip club, handed a bouncer one $20 bill and received $40 in $1 bills. Things were shaping up to be a successful trip; however, neither of my two buddies or me had gotten any p*ssy. The hooker was

reportedly “on her period.” Probably not a bad thing.

The stars aligned and a bar near our hotel had a special during the week. $10 all-you-can-drink from 9-12pm. They called it College Night. How fitting. We were in the building by 9:03pm and started going to town on vodka/energy drinks. The majority of the night for me is a blur. Things got real fuzzy after 11:45pm and I don’t remember leaving the bar. We end up at another strip club, I spent too much money, and we somehow get a ride back to our hotel. We walk in our hotel’s casino, and it is after 4am. I sit down at a roulette table, order a Budweiser to sober up a bit, and start f*cking around with whatever cash I have to play with.

I notice an older lady sitting near me, we start chit chatting, and next thing I know my other two friends are no longer in sight. No worries, I keep playing roulette, and she turns out to be from Canada. Nice full titties and dark hair. I wish I could tell you her name or what providence she was from, however, that really doesn’t matter does it?

Fast-forward, I lose my money, she loses hers. She had started rubbing on my leg under the table. She turns to me and asks for a kiss. I start making out with this lady on the casino floor, which is apparently frowned upon, but I’m so wasted I could have cared less. I ask if she is staying here (same hotel gambling in) and she is. We wander in the gift shop for a box of condoms and a 24oz can of Coors Light. She wanted the beer, so I figured this was cheap enough price for sex and a story. We end up on the 17th floor, her suite. Didn’t mention anything of a husband, and I didn’t bother to ask. I was way too intoxicated to look if she had a ring on; I knew this MILF wanted a good ol p*ssy pounding and I was up to the challenge.

We get into bed, and within a few minutes she is giving me some great head, and I oblige to return the favor. She gave me some tips on how she liked her vag ate, buried my face in it, which was surprisingly tight and freshly shaved. I was having a great time; no performance issues for being hammered 10+ hours. We f*ck for a bit and pass out.

Wake up in the morning completely naked, and of course there is f*cking construction going on outside. I have no idea where I really am and somehow it crosses my mind that I need to checkout soon. Look over on the nightstand and there is a V8 juice can crumpled up, holes poked, for smoking grass. Hell yeah!

She wakes up, says “Oh yeah, check this out. Smuggled it in my toothbrush case.” Easily 1 gram of stanky, Canadian hash. We smoke a few bowls and I start playing with her nice, full MILF titties again. She gets me primed up and is ready for a morning f*ck she hasn’t had in years. I turn her around and pound it doggy style for a good 15 minutes before a Cream Pie. I find my clothes, hit the door, locate my room, gather my bros, and we hit In and Out before the terrible drive home.

She was 46; I’m 24. And I would do it again. Older ladies love to bang, and I love to bang them!

NEXT!

I played a year of junior hockey after high school and the winter break that year back home was f*cking insane, but this one moment sticks out. We were at my buddies party on a Friday night with the whole crowd from high school and everyone was getting super f*cked up. I was trying to rekindle old flames for hook-ups but I had a huge player reputation so naturally I wasn't getting many bites since these girls knew me really well. At about 4 am, people start to pass out and my dude decides it's time to go home. My buddy got a DUI and had to blow every morning so it was legit, it was like having my own driver. He drops me off at my house and I am just f*cking annihilated and about to call it a night. So I open up my laptop for some good ol' fashion porn. But of course, I checked Facebook first. The only girl online (remember its like 4:30 a.m.) is a girl that I “dated” in sixth grade and haven't seen in about 4 years. This girl lives just down the road but lived out west for high school so I never saw her. On top of this, she is super hot.

So I start drunk Facebook messaging the sh*t out of her, and she is all about it. I find out that she had been drinking too and considering she had no idea of my reputation, I gave her all that nice guy bullsh*t that girls seem to love from ass holes like myself. Before I know it, I'm walking in -15 degree weather (I grew up in Northern Michigan) to get to her house hammered as sh*t. I get about half way there and she texts me “Don't be too loud, I don't want to wake my parents up.”

Now, she made it sound like her parents weren't home since she had a party, but I'm at the point where I don't give a sh*t if her grandparents are playing the piano when I walk in, I'm getting laid.

I get there, and this girl's house is f*cking enormous. It's honestly a damn mansion. Apparently, there had been unreal renovations since the last time I was there in 6th grade. She tells me to go back to her hot tub but I'm lost as sh*t. I put my shoes by the door and eventually find it after about 10 minutes of searching. To my surprise, it's her and her friend in the hot tub, so I'm thinking threesome all day.

Sadly, her friend goes back inside to leave us alone (she was a soft 6 anyway), and the girl I came over for and I start going at it. Within seconds she rips off her bikini top and is riding me like crazy in only her thong in the hot tub. After about a minute, I hear the door open, and I'm thinking it's her friend again who might want another shot at the title. So I keep going at it for another minute or two even though I can hear the footsteps approaching. I'm assuming she was just watching us trying not to be awkward.

Then I hear these words…

“WHO THE F*CK ARE YOU!?!” … Sh*t.

Her dad walked out looking like he was going to chop my balls off with rusty hedge trimmers, and this guy ain't small. He's about 6'6″ and in damn good shape.

He grabs his topless daughter and drags her into the house, titties flying around and all. Now, if I were smart I would have just ran home considering it's a block and I still had my shorts on. But f*ck that, I have a pair of Sperry's inside that I'm not leaving behind. I go back in to find them, and then I realize that I am at the Buckingham Palace completely f*cking lost again. After about 15 minutes, she is still getting screamed at by both parents and I had to interrupt them because I didn't know how to leave. The best part I heard in the screaming rant was how they've told her multiple times “to stop being such a whore.” Now that's just great parenting.

Her dad escorted me through the house while holding my arm… felt like I had a damn vice grip on me, and all I'm thinking of is how lucky I'll be to get out alive. We found my Sperry's and after kicking me out of the house for eternity he asked me what my name was. I obviously lied but considering I grew up with his daughter I was skeptical. Then there was a pause, and he smiled and said, “Don't ever come back here *says my real name*, and tell your mother I said hello.”

My mother still hasn't gotten my message for her.

Anyone else thinking that father was trying to suggest something out-of-bounds when he pulled the “say hello to your mother for me” line?

 

That does it for this week. Keep sending your stories in here

J. Camm

About J. Camm...

J. Camm is the Managing Editor of BroBible. He is a graduate of the University of Miami thanks mostly in part to a world-class short-term memory. When not writing drivel on the Internet, J.Camm enjoys golf and the inexplicable satisfaction that comes with forgetting a person's name the exact instant he meets them.