Coming to you live from BroBible’s Satellite HQ in uptown New York City, I’ve spent all of the past three days in the zombie-zone that is downtown Manhattan. At the moment, my apartment complex in the East Village is completely bereft of power, has minimal running water, and a complete disregard for cell service. My unshaven beard-man scruff is looking rather dope at the moment, dangerously moving towards irresistible status.
In addition to the tragic and undeniable havoc Sandy has wreaked, it’s also created some interesting social and living conditions for a subset of the human race that barely knows how to cope with society under normal living conditions. Below are four quick observations from the dead-zone:
1. Smartphones > People
You’d think in a circumstance as exceptional as this one, people would throw normal social interactions out the door, replacing them with the no-holds-barred “I don’t know you, but we’re gonna get through this” (and then if you’re attractive, find somewhere to have sex) type environment only found in LOST.
So far, not exactly the case.
As you walk through downtown New York, you’ll see “hot pockets”--random areas with cell-phone service where hordes of people will attempt to communicate with the outside world. Payphones are making a comeback too, which certainly takes the throwback NBA jersey trend of the past few years to an entirely new level.
2. New York Drivers Are Still Dicks
No power means no traffic lights. Meaning, there’s not even a sackless substitute teacher to keep the untamed masses of New York City drivers in check.
The more major intersections are being managed by traffic patrols, but most blocks are somewhat of a free-for-all. Pedestrians are giving their best fuck yous to oncoming drivers, but there’s really some rather spirited games of chicken going on out there.
3. Most Things Humans Do Divert Us from the Fact That We Exist
Not to get all life is shit on you, but go watch hours of television and forget the fact that you are sitting there watching television. Or go for a run, and keep going so you could be done with the fucking run already. OR drink alcohol, and mentally remove yourself from the person you’d rather not be in social situations.
The minimalist, “let’s sit around candles and drink mad booze” lifestyle that comes with a blackout is a great recipe for unrequited litost--a Czech word that has to do with the feeling of helplessness that occurs upon suddenly realizing one's own misery. Life’s bullshit, Marokie.
4. Don’t Take Your Toilet for Granted
Unlike most other things in life, walking 45 minutes just to take a shit is not worth the story.
More on this as the city slowly gets back to normal. Till then, stay safe and properly showered