Every venue is expensive and so overcrowded that you can’t get a drink at the bar. The entire planet celebrates so even the amateurs are out adding to the crowdedness of the bar and upping the percentage of douchebags. Lastly, there is great pressure to not be the guy high fiving his bro at midnight. That being said and all cynicism aside, New Year’s Eve is also kind of awesome.
Your chances of hooking-up with someone have significantly increased from any other night of the year because everybody wants to make out. Supposedly a New Year’s kiss ensures good luck in 2013. Even the prude girls who would never dream of engaging in PDA are looking for someone to violently make out with. I asked a few friends about their past experiences on NYE and came up with this list of Do’s and Don’ts for stealing a kiss at the end of the countdown.
DON’T hit on multiple women to up your chances. This makes sense in theory, but will work against you in the long run. Last year, my friend Greg* flirted with and bought drinks for a few different girls in hopes that he’d get lucky with one of the three. Those three girls were friends.
DO come prepared with mints or gum and Chapstick. Lips that resemble a dried out sponge are not sexy.
DON’T settle for an ex-girlfriend or ex-hookup. A. That’s no fun. B. My friend Tom* did that a few years back and basically had to go into the witness protection program in order to escape her psychotic tendencies.
DO bring your current hook-up out with you. Mike S.* doesn’t have an issue with getting a midnight kiss because he always brings his current slam piece out with him. She’s expecting the kiss from you at midnight which makes things easy.
DON’T eat anything that will make your breathe offensive. Back away from the onion dip.
DO chat her up prior to the kiss. Ryan*, an infamous panty dropper, got his girl by talking to her an hour before and closing with “I’m sure you’ll have guys lined up to kiss you at midnight, but will you try and save one for me?”
DON’T get totally bombed before midnight if you want to find someone to kiss. Brody* has never kissed a girl at midnight on NYE. Brody* is hot so this made no sense to me until I realized that he’d be cool with just getting drunk and rolling with his girl Molly. If you get on his level, you’re probably not going to find a girl but you definitely will no longer care.
DO Keep your tongue to yourself unless she goes for it first. She should initiate any French kissing.
DON’T bet on the drunk smutt. Ernie* got wasted way too early in the game and figured he was safe with the equally as drunk slutty girl who had her hands all over him. He took his eyes off her for a minute and found her pinned up against the bar by another dude.
DO make sure she’s not already taken. Tony* noticed that it was a quarter to midnight and started scoping out his options. He saw a cutie at the bar and went up to say hi. They ended up talking for a while since it took so long for their drinks to arrive. As midnight got closer, the bartender delivered her drink and she mentioned having to get back to her boyfriend. Fail. Try to scope things out earlier in the night.
DON’T threaten her by saying 2013 will be the worst year of her life if she doesn’t kiss you. Desperation isn’t hot.
DO stay loyal to the girl you made out with. At least until you get to another bar and definitely wait until you’re out of her sight. Brian* made out with a girl as the ball dropped and then got caught making out with a different girl within the first hour of the New Year. He had girl drama before 1am.
Time flies on NYE so if you suddenly find yourself down to the one minute mark with no prospects, grab two flutes of champagne, find yourself a girl standing alone and offer her a glass. Find out her name, count down together and make a corny toast, “To a new year of resolutions we won’t keep.” She’ll think it’s cute. Take a swig of champagne, or maybe chug the whole thing, smile, and ASK for a kiss to bring luck to the New Year.
Happy New Year, gentlemen, may every kiss of 2013 be better than the last.
*Note: No names have been changed.