Life
by Andy Moore on April 30, 2014

donald-sterling-clippers

You thought the $2.5 million fine and a lifetime ban from the NBA was tough? Psh. America’s best-known racist billionaire/sexual deviant faces a far worse fate today than whatever Adam Silver could throw his way: He has been banned from Nevada’s Bunny Ranch. FOR-EV-VER.

Dennis Hof, proprietor of the Bunny Ranch and six other fine whorehouses in Nevada, told the Huffington Post that Sterling is no longer welcome in any of his establishments—but he wouldn’t confirm or deny whether Sterling has visited them before. (Probably.)

“A lot of NBA players come here to party,” Hof told The Huffington Post. “Out of respect to them, we have banned Sterling from coming here.”

“At any given time, 20 to 23 percent of the prostitutes here are African-American,” Hof said. “And they’re smoking hot. Some of them were crying this morning so we’re doing this for them as well. We don’t need racists or bigots at the Bunny Ranch.”

Sterling joins a short list of banned people, including Michael Vick, the Duck Dynasty guys, and your uncle, Deviant Jack (probably).

“We banned the ‘Duck Dynasty’ guys,” Hof said. “Those guys are the biggest homophobic assholes and they make their living killing animals,” Hof said. “We’ve also banned Michael Vick. We don’t want him here. I couldn’t guarantee his safety from the girls. They love animals.”

They love everyone, really. They’re lovers.

[H/T: Huffington Post; Photo: Kirby Lee/USA Today Sports]

Andy Moore

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