You’re the social media editor of a major international pizza chain and a man is tweeting at you to claim he just had sex with your pizza, and now his penis is burnt. How do you react? Do you…
A.) Ignore him
B.) Block him
C.) Respond, “Our apologies, we will look for a way to notify customers of this in future. Thank you for bringing this to our attention.”
Meet the delightful UK Twitter account of Domino’s Pizza: this morning, it took semi-seriously the tale of one @lad_vigo, who wrapped his johnson in the warm embrace of pepperoni love only to find pain and shame.
.@Dominos_UK HELLO I’VE JUST MADE LOVE TO ONE OF YOUR PIZZAS AND BURNT MY PENIS SEVERELY. PLEASE ADVISE ON YOUR TERMS FOR A REFUND. THANKS.
— LAD_VIGO (@ITK_AGENT_VIGO) February 24, 2014
@NotArsedLike @ITK_AGENT_VIGO Please contact our head office – comments@dominos.co.uk regarding this matter.
— Domino’s Pizza UK (@Dominos_UK) February 24, 2014
.@Dominos_UK DISGUSTING FOB OFF,YOUR STAFF SHOULD INFORM CUSTOMERS ABOUT THE DANGERS OF MAKING LOVE TO YOUR PIZZA. WHY IS THIS NOT IN PLACE?
— LAD_VIGO (@ITK_AGENT_VIGO) February 24, 2014
@ITK_AGENT_VIGO Our apologies, we will look for a way to notify customers of this in future. Thank you for bringing this to our attention.
— Domino’s Pizza UK (@Dominos_UK) February 24, 2014
.@Dominos_UK I’M NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS, NOT HAPPY AT ALL, I HAVE A MULTITUDE OF PEPPERONI PIECES STUCK TO MY BALLS AND MY PENIS IS SCORCHED.
— LAD_VIGO (@ITK_AGENT_VIGO) February 24, 2014
@ITK_AGENT_VIGO As you have previously been advised, please email our head office about this
— Domino’s Pizza UK (@Dominos_UK) February 24, 2014
.@Dominos_UK LOOK, I’VE TRIED EMAILING YOUR HEAD OFFICE WITH NO SUCCESS BUT NOW THE PIZZA WANTS TO GIVE ME A BLOW JOB, PLEASE ADVISE.
— LAD_VIGO (@ITK_AGENT_VIGO) February 24, 2014
@indiantank@ITK_AGENT_VIGO It is definitely recommended, as that is not what is expected of our pizzas. We raised them better than that!
— Domino’s Pizza UK (@Dominos_UK) February 24, 2014
Papa John chimed in to say, “Eh. I’ve done worse.”
[H/T: Daily Star UK, via reader email]