This Dinosaur Snapping Turtle Sea Monster That Washed Ashore In Russia Is Proof There Is Life On Other Planets

 

Before I caught wind of this story, I was convinced there was life on another planet solely by taking one long look at NBA Commissioner Adam Silver. He’s obviously an alien, I think we’re all on the same page on that one. But, for those of you skeptics, this snapping turtle/dinosaur/sea creature/dream haunter that has washed up on the banks of the Amur River in Russia should be evidence enough that we are not alone in this universe.

Pictures of the mysterious sea creature with a shell consisting of pointy spikes and a sharp beak were posted on social media by Anastasia Steshina attached with the comment:

‘When we saw it, we did not even realize that it was a turtle. It reminded us of a dinosaur. I  have never seen such a thing before and neither have my friends. We talked to the local fishermen and they think it is not the only one here since, they say, such animals do not live alone.”

Experts claim that the creature is an alligator snapping turtle, the heaviest freshwater turtle in the world, and it originated in the American south-east, which is baffling how it ended up so far from home ashore of the world’s tenth longest river.

Anastasia reported that the dino-turtle tried to attack her and was biting through sticks and other inanimate objects on the shore, but since it’s strictly an aquatic creature, it’s limited mobility was easy to evade.

From my extensive research on the creatures, consisting of a 16 second Wikipedia search, alligator snapping turtles can live to be 80-120 years old and get their name form its immensely powerful jaws, spring-like neck, and the distinct ridges on its shell that resemble an alligators. I hope I never find out for myself.

[H/T Daily Mail]

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.