Life
by Rebecca Martinson on June 12, 2014

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Russia’s one of the most jacked up places in the world. From this,

to this,

mixed in with just a touch of this,

plus Putin, it’s a weird ass country. But while I thought raging alcoholics and 24/7 snow was the only problem over there, apparently they’ve got an even bigger issue; sending kids to jail because their dicks are too big.

Some well-hung Russian boy named Tomas was accused of stealing a cell phone, and upon investigation doctors determined that he was 16 or 17 rather than 13 as he claimed. Why’s that important? Because it means he’s eligible to be tried as an adult. This begs the question…what made doctors decide he was older than he claimed? According to Newser,

“The kid claims to be 13, but a skeptical court ordered a physical exam that included a look at his private parts. Doctors then estimated his age to be 16 or 17.”

Yep, they did the only logical thing aside from check his birth certificate, passport, dental records, etc., they measured his shlong. Until the whole matter is sorted out Tomas is stuck in jail, but even after they determine how old the kid is there’s still the matter of whether or not he actually stole a cell phone. I guess there are some perks to having a small wiener….but only if you live in Russia, so don’t get too excited.

[H/T Huffington Post]

Rebecca Martinson

About Rebecca Martinson...

Rebecca Martinson is a recent graduate from the University of Maryland who is notoriously known throughout the Internet for being really, really adequate at writing emails. She joined BroBible right after graduating in the Spring of 2014 and doesn't hate it...yet.