Life
by Steve Coulter on November 12, 2013

If you don’t want to take my word for it, then that’s your prerogative, but in the 332 days since I deactivated my account with the social media behemoth a lot has changed.

I graduated college, road tripped to three new states and one new country and visited six more. I moved across the country, got a job and earned a week of paid vacation after sixth months.

In other words, my life has taken a drastically positive turn — one that may not have been possible had I stayed on Facebook — from where it was on December 15, 2012.

(And yes, if you were wondering, I was finally motivated enough to deactivate after the excessive amount of insensitive, redundant and morally base comments that were posted after the tragic Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting.)

Personal experience aside, here’s 10 reasons why deleting your Facebook will save your life: 

1. Time management

It’s absolutely crazy, and shockingly appalling, how much of a difference not having a Facebook will have on your amount of free time. Moreover, there’s a noticeable increase in time in general — both free and at work — to do things that are disconnected from the social media sphere. If you add in the fact that without Facebook there’s one less procrastination tool available, then the amount of distractions in your life will be reduced more than 50 percent (low ball estimate, not even kidding).

Rather than spending hours on end looking at random photo albums or fussing over someone’s hypocritical status, you will be free to do things of substance that will bring you happiness, like hiking a mountain or driving to visit a friend.

2. Girls

Once your Facebook is gone you will finally realize how truly pointless this website was in terms of socializing with the opposite gender. Not only does Facebook weaken a bro’s game through easy accessibility and a high volume of attention-deprived sluts, it distracts us from doing what all men on this planet want to do — chase girls, talk with them and, hopefully, bring them home. Facebook doesn’t expedite this process; rather, it elongates it, complicates it and scrambles it into a digital stratosphere that I for one will never miss.

Remember, guys, no matter how much time and effort you put into “working” a girl on the Internet, it will always fail in comparison to just going straight up to a chick in a bar and striking up a conversation face-to-face.

The only things that benefits from Facebook-centered relationships are porn sites and companies that manufacture lube. Your hands and fingers need a break, boys.

3. Employers

Most people — both guys and girls — I have talked to about this topic listed this as their main reason for deactivation, and that’s a good thing. If you think there’s something incriminating or image-tainting of you on Facebook, then chances are there is and, worse off, it’s probably not just one item, but a smorgasbord of photos, posts and preferences that employers across the country can obtain if they try hard enough. All of this potential dread can be wiped clean with one click of a button — and I realize this takes a lot of effort, but it’s worth it in the long run.

If having some outdated form of social media (see: Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat) is really more important to you then having a job and making a living, then go for it — keep your Facebook, because there’s obviously no hope for you.

4. Friends

Who needs a website to communicate with friends in this day and age with the way phone technology has improved? First and foremost, there’s an app for everything — sharing songs, sharing videos, sharing whatever your heart desires to share with those closest to you. Secondly, there’s group texting nowadays that streamlines the process of getting information out to a mass audience just as efficiently as Facebook groups. And lastly, and most important, there’s the good old-fashioned concept of calling your friend, which actually hasn’t changed too much…oh wait, yes it has, there’s FaceTime, Skype and Viber for those of us who like to have an instant conversation face-to-face. Take that, Facebook.

5. Sharing stuff

I will keep this short and sweet: people who “like” shit you post on Facebook — photos, quotes, places you eat — don’t actually give two shits about what your posting. In reality, they just hope you return the favor and like their shit so their confidence level hits its minimal peak and they can pretend somebody actually cares. If you think I am lying, review the list of people that normally like your status update. I guarantee they are all narcissists.

6. Planning

Those who need Facebook to plan an event, or even their day, are people that make me depressed about the current state of the world. Don’t you remember how it was before that guy Zuckerburg came along and changed our lives for the worse?

Spreading the word about a party isn’t too hard. It takes about two to three big-mouthed people with the right amount of contacts and a lot of willing parties. And trust me, there are always willing parties. Eliminating Facebook from your party planning routine won’t result in a hallow frat house; rather, it will show those who are coming regardless of how they were invited that you are actually smart of enough to throw a shin-dig without the assistance of some 30 year old computer wizard who didn’t get laid until he made millions of dollars.

7. Updates

I haven’t been on Facebook in a while, but allow me to take a random guess — the website still has frequent updates that confuse and aggravates users to the point where they make up posts and status about how much they hate Facebook? Am I on the right mark here or way off? Let me know.

Regardless, not having to relearn Facebook every three months just because some nerd-genius in the Silicon Valley thinks you should is definitely one of the perks of deleting your account and entering the world as a real person. In case you were wondering, being off Facebook eliminates any and all conversation about the site — unless of course you take up the initiative of writing a column about why people should deactivate. This means that when you talk to someone, you actually get to talk with them, rather than have an exchange of complaints over what you do and don’t like about the most recent updates.

8. Staying Informed

There are plenty of news websites, blogs, podcasts, newspapers and radio stations out there to get keep up to date on current events. In short, Facebook isn’t a news source and anybody who thinks otherwise is misguided and in desperate need of an intervention. Moving on before I make offensive comments about people who post stuff about their political views…

9. Opinions

I can’t help myself; I just have to go on a tangent on those people who ruined Facebook forever for me. What started out as a website that was a mainstream vehicle to stay “connected” to everything from friends to rumors to parties to schools to jobs, Facebook slowly, and somehow inexplicability, allowed itself to be debased by those users who sought to use it as a means of expression.

Depressed about school shootings? Write a poem. Don’t like how the government is operating? Use your right to the freedom of speech and write an op-ed piece in the local newspaper or use that same right to assemble or petition about whatever it is you’d like to see change.

Get what I’m saying here? Facebook should have never become a platform for millions and millions of people to express themselves on, yet it did and that’s the reason why bro’s everywhere should delete theirs.

Will it save time and make you more efficient with the ladies? Yes, I think it will. But most importantly, get off of it to save yourself from the mindless amounts of opinions being posted at an accelerated rate that provide nothing other than a personal podium. That’s way too many voices being concentrated onto one stage.

Now, for those of you who finally triggered my departure from Facebook, I forgot to thank you on the way out — sorry about that. Thanks for saving my life. 

10. Extinction

Mark my words; Facebook won’t exist by 2023, so get off the sinking ship while you still can and while it still looks sort of original and cool.

Why do I think one of the most popular and powerful companies in the world won’t exist in a decade? Because Facebook is an extremely obsolete method of communication already in 2013 and unless someone makes some mega changes to the company’s overall design, it will go extinct because it simply lacks the innovation that sparked its sensational burst into all of our lives several short years ago. 

I don’t want to be on the inside of this soon-to-be conformist movement, but if it helps saves lives then I guess I have no choice but to keep drinking the Kool Aid and keep spreading the good word — Facebook is evil but your penitence for taking part in such evil is as simple as clicking a button.

Deactivate.

It may be the greatest choice you ever make.