In my 23 years maintaining homeostasis, I’ve received my fair share of insults. I’ve been labeled a geek, nerd, tool, goober, retard, herb, loser, lame, poser, assh*le, douche, pussy, schmuck, homo, fag, cock goblin, sphincter troll, grundle gremlin, dirty Jew, JAP, Christ-killer, lamp shade, oven magnet, Kikey McPassoverpants, squid, hardo, GDI, and many more.
While I’ve taken all these epithets in more strides than Usain Bolt, one diss has tortured my soul for far too long:
I hate being called a “hater”.
“Hater” is the pervasive pejorative spouted by reality stars, rappers, athletes and a majority of bros against anyone who disapproves of their oft-questionable behavior. It’s a security blanket; shielding one from criticism, disapproval and sometimes, rehab. It’s the enemy of improvement and the cousin of YOLO. When you are labeled a hater, you’re being admonished for having an opinion.
To quote Chicago rhyme-spitter and silly cap-wearer Common, “If I don't like it, I don't like it, that don't mean that I'm hating”. If I think LeBron is a dick because he makes patronizing comments about the fans, why can’t I say so? If I believe the only talent Kim Kardashian has is f*cking on camera, isn’t that my prerogative? Telling my little cousin that his Dubstep-experimental Jazz band could use a little work should not make me a social pariah. My parents inculcated me with a strong sense of right and wrong, good and evil, chill and douchey. It’s no secret that we live in a society where it has become increasingly uncouth to voice condemnation for fear of hurting someone’s feelings. I submit that without a little ego bruising, we’ll become increasingly tolerant of bad art, political injustice, and toolboxes Instagramming pictures of themselves poppin’ bottles on private jets. I’m not a hater, Bro, I just think it’s a little pretentious when there are people starving in the streets.
Of course, I’d be remiss to ignore the fact that there are plenty of people who hate for the sake of hating. Just check the comments section this post. There will always be irrelevant, venom-spewing trollers. There will always be popular opinion-bashing contrarians. Some people do it as a means of self-elevation; y’know, the hipster who is eager to inform you he liked (fill in popular band name here) before they blew up? Others hate as a way to help them forget about their own faults. Jealousy, insecurity, and racism are often the catalysts for unwarranted criticism. I’m not defending that kind of irrational animosity.
I am however, championing those who aren’t afraid to tell it how it is, when others tell it how it might be. Ignoring another’s viewpoint by writing him off as a hater is not an effective cure-all for your conscience. Typically, the people who drop the h-bomb the most are those who commit the most injustices.
That about wraps it up for me. If you didn’t like this post, you’re probably a hater. Join me next week, where I crusade against the people who “rage tits”.
Krum is a NYC based comedian and you can follow him on Twitter @KrumLifeDotCom