There’s little worse than dating a girl who’s broke. Dating a broke girl is like keeping a Redbox rental too long, eventually you will pay way too much for that shit! I don’t care how sexy a girl is, you have to remember there is no machine in the gym that makes your wallet bigger. The bad news is there is an epidemic of girls so broke they couldn’t pay attention, but they have on designer purses and shoes. I would rather give a bum on an off-ramp my money. At least he will work for food! If you’re going to still date that refugee from a job fair, you will need to know the pitfalls. So, here you go.
1. Broke girls remain focused on keeping their hair and nails done.
Why the fuck are broke girls so worried about how their hair looks? What is she getting ready for; the miss unemployed pageant? Everywhere you turn there are girls with designer purses, and only $6.00 worth of Chucky Cheese tokens in that muthafucka. Having a purse with no money in it is like being a firefighter that fights fires with a super soaker, you can’t get shit done.
2. Broke girls are always looking for a Baller in the club.
I’m sorry, but your broke ass is standing by the bar like an alcoholic Tiny Tim saying “Please sir, I want some more.” And, you expect a guy to be a financial powerhouse? Broke girls perch on the bar waiting for free drinks like crows at the park waiting on free food. Being broke and looking for a rich dude is like being homeless and refusing to hang out with other bums, because you’re looking for a more sophisticated crowd to hang out with.
3. Broke girls love to tell people what to spend money on.
She knows all the latest fashion trends and every new expensive restaurant, but she has no idea what a W-2 form is. Every time I get around a broke girl, all she talks about is the new iPhone or the new iPad, and the entire time I’m thinking, “Hey, how about finding an iJob?” Broke girls are very focused on appearing to be rich, which is why they need the iPhone and the iPad. Too bad Apple doesn’t make an iBus Pass. I once knew a girl so broke, when she called me her ring tone was the theme song from Good Times.
4. Broke girls LOVE social media.
She may be allergic to a job application, but you better believe she has a status update every four seconds. Broke girls will comment on every single photo, link, article and fan page in creation. Broke girls will literally narrate their entire day through Facebook as if they are some kind of superhero. Some girls may be wondering, “Do I post things that make me look broke?” Here are a few questions to ask yourself to find out if you post like a broke girl on social media:
Have you ever taken a pic of your food at a restaurant?
Doing this makes you look like a homeless person so happy they got a hot meal that they needed proof.
Have you ever posted a status about what you should wear?
Nobody, I repeat, nobody gives half a rat’s ass crack about what you wear to your non-job-related task for the day.
Have you ever taken a picture of yourself holding money?
This is the broke girl I.D badge. No one wants to see your unemployment check money in all fives and singles fanned out with the caption “Hustler” written on the pic. You should hustle your broke ass to a job interview.
5. Broke girls know everyone’s personal business.
When you don’t have a job, it’s easy to stay up to date on all current random ass, unimportant bullshit. Broke girls know everything, it’s like they have a 24-hour news channel that broadcasts all the breaking news you don’t give a shit about. Broke girls can tell you who is dating who, who is getting dumped, and who is moving in or out of the neighborhood. The only thing a broke girl can’t tell you is where the local job fair is being held.
6. Broke girls give the worst goddamn gifts is history.
I once had a broke girl give me a hand written card for my birthday. The card would have been fine if we were dating in the 3rd grade, but we were 27 years old, so that broke shit is not cool. Broke girls always try to give you stuff that’s free and call it a gift. Every Valentine’s Day, broke girls put on lingerie and stroll in the bedroom, umm how exactly is this a gift? I’m pretty sure under that lingerie I’ll find the same titties from yesterday. If that’s ok to do, then I’ll go get that bracelet I bought you last year, I’ll wrap it in new wrapping paper, and there you go, it’s a new gift now.
And remember, her booty may bounce, but so do her checks.
I want more like this!
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