We're big fans of Twitter great and Grand Blanc, MI resident Captain Karl Welzein (AKA @Dadboner). So when we saw that he took his talents to Vice to write an article we were naturally pretty bummed. But after looking at our "What Would Karl Do?" bracelet, taking a massive BM in the john, and reading his post on "HOW NOT TO GET BURNED BY FAKE COMPUTER BABES LIKE THAT MANTI TE'O WEIRDO" we got over it.
You can read his entire post over at Vice but here's his 3 main tips to avoiding fake computer babes.
GUY TO GUY TIPS ON HOW NOT TO GET BURNED BY FAKE COMPUTER BABES LIKE THAT MANTI TE’O WEIRDO
1. Make sure the babe is off the chain in person before you connect on Ok Cupes. If you meet up, one on one, BEFORE a computer date, you can rest assured that she exists and avoid any sort of guy on guy computer cravings or robot hanky panky that’d make you go to Puke City, USA. ‘Course, if you’re into guy on guy carnal passions, that’s cool. This is 2013. More guy on guy action just means more babes for bad boys like myself. It’s chill. Let’s all be as one in the USA, whatever your one on one urges may be.
2. Wear plenty of ‘logne. Babes from all around the world crave a real bad boy sportin’ heavy smellin’ goods. And only REAL babes can smell ‘logne, you guys.
3. Keep your vibes consensual at all times and grow a rockin’ pony if poss-ee-blay.
Follow these tips, and you’ll be havin’ an all-natural babe rendezvous in 0 to 60, pedal to the metal style.
United We Rock,
Call us, Karl. We'll do an interivew. Eat some 'za. Drink top-shelf margs. Talk about chest beefers. The works, really. Full spread.
Also, Dadboner has a book coming out that you can pre-order here.