You know who hates this move? The chick marrying this dude's friend, that's who. Oh man, the bride-to-be fucking loathes this I guarantee the shit out of that. For one, this is going to be the talk of the wedding (thanks to sites like us and Gawker). And second, if the girl this guy winds up taking is a walking spice rack, everyone will be gawking at her and not the bride. You think the bride's head won't explode when people start asking her ON HER BIG DAY how she feels that this asshole hijacked the moment she's been waiting her entire existence for? Think again, it'll go boom real fast and the blast radius will rival a fucking nuke.
Per the ad on Craigslist:
Due to a last minute cancellation (we do not speak of her name) I'm resorting to the powers of Craigslist to help me find a date for a wedding this weekend in Lexington, VA (i had to google it as well). If you're still reading here are the facts and why you should come:
- you only yolo once
- you get to wear a dress
- open bar & food all night
- you get to pop n lock it w me on the dance floor (see pic 2)
- I can fly (see pic 3)
- I tend to ride a lion on top of horse (see pic 4)
more fun facts about your potential date:
- I have a degree
- I have a job
- I am a clean man
- I have never been arrested
- I don't like murder
Looking for a well-rounded young lady that is educated, can dance, and is at least 21.
if interested you should please provide:
- a selfie
- brief resume
- your favorite color
- Location: Northwest DC
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Well-rounded? He likes 'em thick, huh? Anyway, if you're a BBW girl who lives somewhere near this area and you hate murder but don't mind other crimes hit him up here.