We've got four stories for your craven eyes this afternoon. As always, it's all reader submitted. This week's heroes bring us some real lustful, disgusting, er*tic shit, if ya know what I mean. But I won't spoil the details. Submit stories of your own heroism or sexual witlessness HERE.
If this first story doesn't make you think twice about naming your kin Joel, nothing will.
I was living in Costa Rica for a year with two guy friend,s Craig and Joel. Craig and I occasionally had visitors (who wouldn't want to travel to Costa Rica), while Joel, never had anyone come down to visit.
Well, Joel decided that he couldn't hang anymore and wanted to go back to the US, but before he left a good girlfriend of his was going to come down and help him pack and move back home.
The good friend happened to be a girl named Jackie. Unfortunately for him Jackie wanted to be 'just friends'. On an even more unfortunate note, I had been on a couple of dates with Jackie before we moved down to Costa Rica. But this time she was coming to visit Joel and I knew how much he liked her, so I didn't even try to flirt.
Joel was doing everything he could to get Jackie on his good side. He took her to dinner, up to a mountain retreat and out to the beach for a few days.
When they got back to the city where we lived, she told us how desperate he was acting, how he confessed his love to her, and how she was feeling a bit creeped out. (She was not the first to feel this way around him; he tended to have that effect on women).
It was Jackie and Joel's last night in town, and we all went out to party. We did dinner, then dancing at a club. Craig had found a girl at the club. I was hanging out with Jackie. She told me she wasn't interested in Joel, and just wanted to have fun on her last night in town.
Craig was grinding his girl on the dance floor. I got on the floor with Jackie. The four of us were the life of the party, and with two hot girls, everyone was watching us. Joel was off by himself sulking because the girl he loved was grinding with me. I felt bad, but you know, we are all just having fun.
After a while we took a break from dancing. The two girls started becoming friendly. They went off to the dance floor together. They started grinding and it was hot. The whole place was watching them, and Craig and I were anticipating the night ahead.
A few hours pass, and the five of us go back to our house. Joel instantly goes in the house and goes to his room. He knows he ain't getting’ none tonight. We take some shots, and are having a good time when we notice both of the girls are gone. We look outside, then walk around the house only to find that they have locked themselves in the bedroom.
Craig and I try the door, but it won't open. We are both intrigued about what is going on inside, and a little bummed out that we were not invited. We listen in for a second and it is quiet. Then we start to hear some groaning. Excited, we beg them to let us in.
After banging on the door a few times we hear, "leave us alone," at which point our jaws drop and we are in total disbelief. Like dogs, we sit next to the door and listen in as best we can.
About twenty minutes pass, and the girls finally open the door. They are both nekked and lying on Craig's bed. We both run and jump on the bed next to our girls and as they say on "Jersey Shore" we 'get it in'.
Craig's girl takes a cab home. Craig, Jackie and I are lying on the bed passed out. We hear an alarm go off. It is Joel's alarm because he and Jackie have to catch an early flight back to the US. Joel gets in the shower and I wake just enough to get another round in with Jackie. At first we are quiet, but after a few minutes, Craig wakes up.
Two guys and a girl in bed. I got Jackie from behind. Craig pulls his dirty dick out and shoves it in Jackie's mouth. She takes it like a champ.
Joel gets out of the shower and comes into the room to wake Jackie up. She is getting double stuffed and Joel goes ballistic. He jumps on the bed and starts punching us. None of us move as Craig and I are trying to bust a nut and Jackie is stuck in between us.
Joel punches Craig in the face. Craig throws Jackie off him and she falls off the bed. I am holding onto Jackie and I fall too. Craig and Joel are fighting. Jackie and I are on the floor. She tries to get up, but I insist we finish what I started.
She gets up and runs to the bathroom. I try to separate Joel and Craig, but Joel socks me in the face. Craig and I are nekked and Joel has a towel on. We are all fighting.
Jackie gets out of the shower and breaks up the fight. Joel and her leave for the airport. Craig and I stay in Costa Rica for a few more weeks.
We have never seen Jackie or Joel again.
This next one basically confirms the old saying that some people "can't walk and chew bubble gum at the same time." Only in this instance you should replace "walk" with "blow a guy."
This story took place homecoming weekend at my college. Needless to say we start drinking heavily as soon as we woke up and proceeded to do so the whole day. By the time night fell my buddies and I went to the bar we always go to because it is only 100 feet from my house. This bar has bottomless cups available for every liquor behind the bar. As you can imagine, I’m on life support when I run into a previous hook-up of mine. She was looking damn good that night, mainly because I had been drinking for 12 hours.
We danced a little, did some shots when suddenly I realized two things: 1) I'm way too drunk and probably cant even get it up at this point and 2) I'm about puke. A LOT! I quickly told the girl I was going to go outside and smoke a cig real quick and I’d be right back. Since I live next door to the bar I immediately ran home the best I could (I fell a few times which I discovered from the cut and bruises the next day).
I got home, puked my dick off and felt way better. Then I smoked a bowl, went back to the bar still completely shit faced, found the girl I had been talking with, and grabbed another drink. This is where my memory of the night ends…
The next morning I woke up nekked. The girl from the bar, also nekked, was lying next to me. I was rather happy with myself, still getting laid after I puked a days worth of booze up. so I rolled over went to scratch my junk. When I reached my pubes I felt something sticky. Not c*m sticky, either. So I quickly pulled the sheets back to find that my man patch is FULL OF BUBBLE GUM. Apparently in our drunken stooper, the girl blew me with bubble gum in her f*cking mouth.
I immediately woke this idiot up, b*tched her out, and threw her out of my house. Then I had to destroy a pair of clippers by trimming gum out of my pubes. The sound of the clippers woke my roommate up and he walked in on me trimming bubble gum off my junk. He fell on the floor laughing and I was left with a bald crotch.
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