In this age of concussions and spinal cord injuries, I no longer envy professional football players. I envy their bank accounts and the p*ssy they slay, but I would never want to trade places with them at age 50 when they can barely walk and dementia creeps in. You know what? I take that back, I very much envy punters, kick-off specialists, and back up quarterbacks. They are overpaid and underabused. In terms of easy gigs on the field, Kick-off specialists have it best, but punters are a close second. These golden-toed pricks have one f*cking responsibility and as long as they make contact and the ball goes 30 yards, they've done their job. The most pressure a punter has is catching the f*cking snap. They can even go out and party hard after practice because its not like they need to be sharp the next day.
Take Pat McAfee, the 23 year-old Colts punter, for instance. Police found him at 5 a.m. this morning drenched in water, although, it hadn't rained. When they asked him how much he had to drink he said, "A lot cause I'm drunk." Now that is truth serum at its f*ckin' finest. He had a blood-alcohol content of 0.15 percent when he was arrested for public intoxication. For the record, it's about 39 degrees in Indianapolis. Also, this is the second public intoxication charge for the Colts in last three months, the first one being when DT John Gill was passed out drunk, "soiled and disheveled" in a ditch. Details at ESPN.
Photo via our new favorite drunk athlete site, Shot of Ginn