Life
by Brian Killen on December 24, 2012

One drink each time someone talks about:

  • How long it took them to drive there OR any mention of “Holiday traffic”
  • Why it snowed after Hurricane Sandy but not on Christmas
  • Their job and/or holiday party (drink double if someone got “laid off”)
  • The awesome present someone else received
  • Exchanging or opening gifts after dinner
  • If Aunt Sally asks you to try her homemade Eggnog

Two drinks each time someone mentions:

  • How much their child  has grown since last year
  • Every time a family member asks an infant how old they are or what grade they’re in
  • Asks what channel “A Christmas Story” is on
  • How many times they have seen  ”A Christmas Story”
  • “Last Christmas”
  • “Remember when”
  • A general motion to break out old home videos from past Christmas gatherings

Three drinks:

  • If someone complains that you plan to go to the bar after dinner
  • If grandpa tells an overly creepy, sexual, political, racist or politically-racist joke
  • If Uncle Bobby asks you where the Jameson is (proceed to take a shot with him)
  • If someone chokes on a piece of turkey or whatever main course is 
  • If a family member asks that everyone plays a dinner game
  • If a dinner game starts with, “Let’s go around the table and…”
  • If you have to leave the table to take a shit
  • If your annoying little cousin goes underneath the table to tie your shoe laces together (feel free to kick him)

Take a shot or chug a beer if:

  • There is a planned ‘surprise’ announcement (engagement, baby on the way, cousin comes out of the closet, etc.) OR
  • If grandpa says he’s divorcing your grandma
  • Either your meal is interrupted my Christmas carolers or someone starts to sing a Christmas song in which the entire table feels obligated to join
  • If you’re the last one at the dinner table because you refused to watch “A Christmas Story” with the rest of your family

Chug some Eggnog:

  • If you are asked to dress up like Santa for your little cousins after dinner

 

**As always, proceed with common sense.