With the exception of DeShawn, it's honestly hard to rank these guys in any particular order. All of them were practically blood relatives of Rick Ross this week; ballin' hard, stackin' cash, giving chicks fellatio-induced lockjaw...stuff like that. Diving in.
5. DeShawn Stevenson
Sure, he's a member of the Champion Mavs, but his "Hey LeBron! How Does My Dirk Taste?" T-shirt followed by an arrest for public intoxication a few days later gets DeShawn on the list. Guy started drinking Sunday night and then forgot to stop. Never even came up for air.
4. Mark Cuban
This is one of those photos that will live on forever. Just a pure moment, rich with emotion. A man, his hardware, and a urinal. Timeless...
Dirk won the MVP, sure, but I had him on the list last week so we felt it was fitting to give Cuban his due. After all, he bankrolls the whole team and dropped $110K on booze at LIV in South Beach.
3. Mike Tyson
Best heavyweight of all time? He certainly came out of the f*cking gates like a rabid dog, hell bent on being just that. But then he lost to Buster; and then he went to jail for rape; and then shit got so weird that he took another man's ear and started talking about his desire to stomp little child testicles just so the world could know his pain. What I'm saying is... congrats on the Hall of Fame induction, Mike. You somehow managed to go through hell and make it out alive as America's f*cking sweetheart.
2. Tim Thomas
After headcase Roberto Luongo dissed Tim Thomas's unorthodox playing style (fighting words from the a**hole who gave up 17 goals in 3 games), the Bruins' goalie responded the only way he knows how: by shutting down the Canucks for the rest of the series, effectively shitting on all of Canada's hopes and dreams. Thomas f*cked the Canucks so hard that the place pretty much spontaneously combusted. And now, as a reward for defending America's honor, Thomas will be partying all week long with the Stanley Cup and the Conn Smyth trophies.
1. Sean Bean
There has to be easier ways to impress the juice out of a chick, but getting stabbed in a bar fight while defending her honor and then ordering another round (rather than tending to your wound) is also plenty effective. And that is just what the "Game of Thrones" star did this past weekend when some thug got all fresh-mouthed with his best lady friend, April Summers.