Life
by Fitz E Fresh on April 25, 2012

Q. The other day my teammates and I were stretching out before practice and got to talking about the night before. One guy announced that he had finally banged out this sorority chick that he's been trying to get with for a long time and after he was questioned a bit by the rest of us, he began to detail every aspect of her body and sexual tendencies without hesitation.

Immediately I began to picture what she looked like when the thought came to me…do chicks all do the same things with dudes? After they bang a guy do they basically give a sexual scouting report to their fellow sorority sisters?

The reason I ask is because I’ve had sex with a girl in this sorority but if she has told the rest of her sisters that I'm a “two minute Timmy” (something I'm not ashamed to admit since I can't really help it), in the sack, I feel like my chances with the rest of them are probably not so high and would love the chance to dive through the rest of her sorority.

A. Before you can go “diving” through an entire group of girls, you need to learn the basics of swimming (including the breast stroke). If you go in with a problem you're not willing to fix, you're really just f*cking yourself over, because that's the sort of things girls do talk about. Saying you can't help being a “two-minute Timmy” is like a 7-year old saying they can’t be potty trained. Put on a diaper and focus on self-improvement.

Sh*t, I can probably hold my breath for two minutes, and the downward dog for even longer (in yoga..).Girls will share some details of their sexual conquests with their girlfriends, but only the closest circle gets the dirtiest details. I.E, never an entire (baseball?) team; you sound like a baseball player.

However, while its not commonplace to give hookup play-by-plays, word of a guy who notoriously just sucks in bed can spread like wildfire. Take heed, and prepare accordingly.

Q. Since these two aren't the same for women, I can only assume it’s the same case for men so what's your preference? Cute or hot?

A. The question you should be asking is not what my preference is, but what the difference is, because both play important roles in differing circumstances.
The “hot guy” is attractive by virtue of his looks alone, with little help from his actual personality. He's a sort of sexual conquest; something to check off your 'to-do' list and obtain bragging rights from. In our minds we may fantasize about being the girl that finally ties down that sexy piece of arm candy, but in the end we always know he's actually kind of annoying and useless for anything beyond a hookup or three.

Enter cute guy.

The cute guy is someone a girl develops a crush on over time. He may not be traditionally “sexy”, but his character, demeanor and appearance bring it all together.

The cute guy is the guy we date. He's a keeper. (“He brought me flowers; it was like, soo cute.”)

Q. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me two years ago and started dating another girl right away. He continued to f*ck me all of freshman year in college and then we stopped talking. His girlfriend thinks it only happened once and just hates me, but we've started talking again (talking really just means f*cking) and he hasn't told her, but they've been dating for over a year. Not that I wanna be the psycho ex to email his new girl, but I want her to know that he's been lying to her from the get-go. How would I go about doing that?

A. Girl, friend. I hate to be so harsh on a sister but you're clearly getting f*cked around by this douchebag “ex” boyfriend. And what’s worse, you've been letting it happen for two years. I don't even know you but I do know that no female deserves that kind of blatant disrespect, so cut all ties to this a**hole immediately.

In terms of handling the girlfriend situation, you're in pretty deep- and emailing her is simply not the way to handle it.

If you take it on yourself, you're just going to be facing some seriously batsh*t girl drama while he stands on the sidelines and lets you guys claw it out. Then f*cks you both after.

Confront your sh*thead ex-boyfriend and, not that he deserves it, give him the chance to tell her himself. You'll know whether or not he actually did, because she'll probably send you a threatening and slightly incoherent Facebook message around 3 a.m. within the week. Keep your cool, maintain maturity and don't let it get the best of you. But do get the f*ck out of this guy's bed.

Girl Power.

Q. How do you approach a girl that you don't know at all, but want to know, both in person and through technology?

A. First of all, child of the 21st century, the only way you should ever “approach” a girl that you don't know at all is in person. Period. Every girl has heard and told the story of, “some creepy guy I don't know requesting to be my friend on Facebook”. Don't be that guy. If you run across a girl “through technology,” figure out a less obvious situation in which you could be introduced- ask mutual friends about her, if she goes out, etc, and take it from there.


Q. So I have reddish/strawberry blonde hair and I get wrongfully stereotyped as a “ginger”(I swear I get tan in the summer) but here's the thing (not to sound cocky) I'm actually pretty attractive; I'm average height, solid built, have a 6 pack, and not to mention a cute face. But I feel like girls just see the hair and shut me down? Is having slightly red or red hair a deal breaker for most girls?

A. Two words: fire crotch. One response: scared.

Some girls dig that sh*t (gingers; not being scared) but in general, there's definitely a stigma. Don't dye your hair or go into isolation, just embrace that which is red and put out the vibe.

I actually heard that gingers are going extinct, so maybe that will give you some sort of a leg up.

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