Life
by Matt Clary on March 1, 2012

Quit While You’re… Not So Behind

They say that most felons end up re-offending after they get out of prison. That’s pretty crappy and all but at least most of them wait to get caught until after they get out… or at least go in! Nate Newton was an O-lineman for the Cowboys for 14 seasons. He was also an aspiring weed smuggler. In 2001, he was busted in Louisiana with 213 lbs. of weed.


After being out on bail for only six weeks, this crazy bastard was caught with another 175 lbs. in the trunk of his car. He must not have realized that that whole giant weed bust thing six weeks earlier put a giant target on his ass. At least he had a good reason for his actions. He said, “I've always been competitive. I've always been in sports. I couldn't see myself not being the biggest dope man.” Yeah, good reasoning man.


Those Damn Door-to-Door Salesmen

Back in 2009, 19-year-old Anthony Carrazco decided to try to make a little money selling weed. His plan (which I’m assuming was fueled by booze) involved implementing a groundbreaking marketing strategy. Carrazco figured the best way to find new customers would be to just peddle his wares door-to-door like they used to sell vacuum cleaners in the good old days. I bet he thought it was so simple that it was genius. He probably thought, “Why hasn’t anyone else thought of this?” Oh, well maybe because it’s illegal.


Like the brilliant businessman that he is, Carrazco set out in his Brownsville, Texas, neighborhood at 3 a.m. and started knocking on doors. Eventually a potential customer let him in after he delivered his well-crafted sales pitch of “Hey, you want any weed?” Unfortunately for this “budding” entrepreneur, the guy was an off-duty cop. The resident told the traveling salesman to wait a second and returned with his badge and cuffs. He then called some of his co-workers and they arrested this kid with over three ounces. Since idiots tend to go down in a dramatic fashion, Carrazco was also carrying a pistol and this all took place in a school zone so the penalties were much harsher.


Advertising and Possession

Yet another group of amazingly stupid wannabe drug dealers were busted in Portland in 2010 after implementing a not-so-well-thought-out advertising campaign. The police had been wise to their drug house for over a year since several neighbors had complained of drug activity. That’s not very surprising since they were far from subtle.


The final straw that must have made the cops say, “Seriously guys? You’re making it so easy for us that it’s not even fair,” was a nice little flyer that had been handed out in the neighborhood with the catchy slogan “Heroin for Sale,” giving the address of the house. Even the laziest and most corrupt of officers would have to do something about that. And do something they did. Of course when the house was raided they found a decent amount of pills, weed, and heroin (otherwise it would have been false advertising). Oh, and the six people who were arrested were also operating a meth lab inside the house because of course they were. Why didn’t they advertise their meth too?


Oops, Wrong Number

You know how paranoid drug dealers are always weird about phone conversations and texts (for good reason, but some just take it too far — nobody’s watching your dumb a**)? Well this case isn’t necessarily why they have that policy but I guess this can be chalked up as another example of why not to do hoodrat things with your friends on the phone.


Just this past January, a man and woman were arrested after the woman texted a wrong number that happened to belong to a cop in Meriden, Conn., and offered to sell him 200 Percocets. The cop kept the ruse going and got the pair to meet an undercover team in a local mall parking lot. Once they arrived they got spooked and tried to run but were of course apprehended. Not only were they stupid, they were d*cks. The cops only recovered 100 pills from these winners.


People Post Everything on Facebook Nowadays

Several stupid people have been arrested because of their Facebook posts. Last year, a high school student was added to that list when he was arrested in the Milwaukee suburb of Greenfield after posting a couple dumba** things for the world to see.


Apparently ever since he posted a video titled “Reefer Party for My Birthday,” the school’s liaison officer had been watching him on Facebook. Then one day the creeping paid off for the cop. One of the kid’s friends posted something about buying drugs on his page and he responded by telling him to call him. Later that day, the officer saw the kids walking down the street and approached them. And wouldn’t you know it, the kid had weed and pills on him. God damn people really don’t understand how public that sh*t is. This is just an example of how one a**hole cop can take advantage of your stupidity, so watch what you say on there.