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Chasing Your Ex’s Friend, a Babe’s Take on Texting Nude Photos and Scoring at Freshman Orientation

By / 05.02.12

Q. Let me start off by saying I’m in a little bit of a weird situation and I kind of have to start from the beginning. So at the beginning of the summer I started talking to this chick then in a while we ended up dating. During this, I ended up becoming really good friends with one of her friends. So then like 5 months later we break up but all is cool. But since then the other chick has been like my best friend chick and is the chillest girl in the world. And it just so happens that she is super hot. Now a couple months after breaking up and a bunch of hookups with random girls I think I kind of want to start talking with the best friend girl. In a girl’s opinion if I tried to get with her would that ruin the friendship and how do you see this turning out? Thanks.

A. Ah, the appeal of the off-limits crush. It's not uncommon to become attracted to someone who's close with your significant other; someone who you can't touch. Been there, touched that.
 

But it's also hard to picture a love triangle that doesn't end up in a three-way — disaster. Girl #1 (your ex) is going to exile girl #2 (her old best friend) and resent/lash out at you on some level, no matter how “cool” you guys are. Then girl #2 is going to be stressed out by the loss of her (b*tchy) friend, think her life is over and regret making the jump to be with you.

Also- you will never have a shot with any of her other friends.

Basically it's gonna be a f*cking bloodbath, so you better think it out and talk it out before getting “unexpectedly” liquored up with girl #2 and waking up in her bed having already done the deed. Sh*t is going to change. But If both of you guys are willing to face the outside consequences, then I say f*ck it- you only live once. And the joy of finally obtaining that long-awaited sack sesh is…spectacular.

Sidenote to Girl #1: sorry (I ain't sorry)

Q. Do most chicks mind sending nude pics or not?

A. While I'm not traditionally conservative…in any sense of the word, one place where I draw the line is sharing nude pictures of myself. Sure some girls are dumb enough to send them out casually, but in this digital age, those are the same girls who end up humiliated and unemployable with their boobs across Facebook and sites like this one.

Sending them to your long-term boyfriend is a bit of a different story, but still risky in its own rite. Nothing sucks more in a post-breakup state then knowing that your ex will be able to look at you naked…forever. If you're trying to convince your girl to send you some risqué pics, I suggest reciprocating. Having collateral material makes it a lot less likely that the pics will end up in the wrong hands; or websites.

Q. First off, let me say I'm in high school – so the help from a wise adult like you would be much appreciated. About two years ago I was dating this girl, but when summer came we spent so much time apart from each other that I convinced my self that I hated her (cool, right?). Eventually, I dumped her. I thought that the feelings that I felt towards her were common, feelings that one feels for every girl whom one dates. My assumption, as it turns out, was very wrong. After the plethora of “relationships” that I've been through in the past two years, no one girl from these “relationships” has made me feel quite like my first ex. After not talking to her for ages, and while she was in a relationship, I blindsided her with a Notebook-style novel text pouring out my heart to her, and in the end giving her an essential ultimatum. She responded, essentially, that she did not feel the same way about me. Months later, however, she began to text me. When I found out that she was no longer in a relationship – I was enthralled. Her texts to me however, are not as flirty as they should be – I mean, she’s texting a guy that she knows loves her, she's basically saying she wants me back, right? I'm not sure how to handle this situation, her ambiguity in her texts is enigmatic, and I’m going to need the help of someone with a mind as complex as hers – perhaps… another woman to help me figure this out. Please, what should I do? How do I get her back? What should I say? Should I ask her to hang out? If we do hang out, what should we do? A movie? Dinner? Do I pay? So many f*cking questions! PLEASE, I need this girl, please <3

A. First of all, let me say that I'm not actually a wise adult, but I appreciate the flattery and therefore will try my hand at helping you out.

Though I think the “plethora” of relationships you've been in as a 17-year-old is probably a bit exaggerated, don't get down on yourself for being confused and acting rashly.

Your teenage hormones are clearly creating a lot of frustrations right now. Sh*t, you're on a pubescent roller coaster, riding back row with your first “love”. 
Here's the deal; you broke this girl's heart and now you're sending her mixed signals. She hasn't felt this devastated since she found out Santa wasn't real, so of course she's going to be cautious about letting another unreliable male figure back into her life. She has her guard up, and I'm not guaranteeing that you'll be able to break it down- but it's worth a try if you really care about her.

I know its hard to be mature about a relationship when you haven't even taken the SAT, but start practicing early and you'll be in good shape. Being mature– not taking prep courses for the SAT. F*ck standardized tests.


I digress.

To answer your question: yes; ask her to hang out. Take her to dinner. And yes, f*cking pay for dinner, you silly high schooler.

<3

Q. Do girls like to get guys naked and embarrass them?

A. No…girls like to get guys naked and f*ck them.

Next.
 

Q. I’m going to be a freshman in college next year and was wondering if orientation week was the time to start spittin’ game before the seniors nab up the “fresh meat”. When you were a freshman in college did you have any interest in your grade or were you strictly going for older guys?

A. Bro, with lingo like that you're not going to be nabbing up much of anything. (spittin' game? no.) However, I applaud your foresight, because yes- that “fresh meat” will go like tuna at a Japanese market, especially once the girls get inducted into the sisterhood. You basically have three short days of orientation to try and lure one in before they get drawn to the shiny lights of the nearest frat house. But don't worry, young bro; in time, it will be you standing on the porch scanning the masses of fresh meat.

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