Ask me anything
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) December 10, 2014
“”A few times a week, after the work whistle blows (we do have a work whistle, it’s fucking annoying, and it also blows whenever someone leaves the room to take a dump) I do a few stand up sets. Nothing big, just open mics. On my long ride home on the train (when shit like this doesn’t happen) I screw around on Twitter. (FOLLOW ME!)
If I’m really bored I’ll do a broke ass version of a Reddit AMA. I just like to bullshit. It’s simple to fire off answers to a handful of questions from my small number of followers. Last night, however, things got a little insane.
To fuck with me, BroTips retweeted my “ask me anything” appeal. If you’re unfamiliar with BroTips, they’ve got over 650K followers on Twitter and now have a home on the BroBible website.
The questions came firing at me from all sides and I couldn’t just “not answer” because I’m the moron who started the whole thing. Here are some of my favorite questions from last night with the quickest answer that popped into my head.
A: Because Seal is a grown ass man Q: @jennbarnstable why is it illegal to buy a baby seal? — Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) December 10, 2014
A: did you just ask if I liked cheese? The fuck country do you think this is doll?!? Q: @juniejunielove do you like extra sharp cheddar
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) December 10, 2014
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A: Fuck no. But my house went underground Q: @BHJ77 are you a geed? — Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) December 10, 2014
A: all of it. In a bowl. Carb load this motherfucker Q: @bryanice1 Mac and cheese or perogies and bacon?
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) December 10, 2014
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Q: it can for me cause that ain’t my life! A: @lwp72 married 16 years, 2 kids, 6 cats, and a chug that snores. Can it get any better? — Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) December 10, 2014
A: Do you like pussy or good pussy? It’s all pussy! But yeah, extra sharp Q: @juniejunielove EXTRA sharp or regular sharp then, fuck
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) December 10, 2014
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A: Mariah would crush cans with her tits and chug Q: @bryanice1 Mariah Carey or Alicia keys in a drinking contest — Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) December 10, 2014
A: keep picking at it until you can tell chicks you got stabbed at a Crocs store Q: @sadgab is this a boil or a pimple
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) December 10, 2014
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A: I’d bring down way more fucking sky frogs in my version Q: @theta1138 Do you ever plan to write the actual Bro Bible? — Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) December 10, 2014
Eventually I got off the train and turned my phone off. No one wants to hear that much from me anyway.
So the moral of this story is be careful what you ask for, check out the new BroTips section on BroBible, and submit a BroTip of your own and you just might see it on the website.