Life
by Fitz E Fresh on August 1, 2013

Q: Aright, so I've banged 4 chicks and gone down on a handful more…from what I can tell, only ONE of them (maybe) has had an orgasm. That one I'm not even 100% sure but she did keep begging me for sex so that makes me think yes. Of the others, one GF said she's never had one, and another says she never really orgasms during sex (but that makes it sound like it has happened at least once). Haven't explicitly talked about it with the others but I wanna know, have I just gotten a bad hand? It drives me CRAZY that I can't make these girls come. I have a slightly above average dick, been told I'm a good kisser, lots of foreplay and variety, go down on girls no problem, and try every trick in the book. And no, I don't look like a troll. What gives?

A: Gosh. There REALLY are a lot of maybe/think/not sure's in that opener.

Which leads me to believe that the root of the problem exists on your side.

You haven't been given a bad hand as you're hypothesizing. Instead, you're actually the one handling things, and female body parts, badly.

I know your type – and you're much more common than you realize.

Though I do support and appreciate your persistence in pursuit of the female orgasm, your problem is that you think you're already doing it all right.

You aren't. And it's okay, and you've got time to fix that, but never, never assume that you've memorized the playbook 100% and it's the opposing team (read: women) bringing in all the complications.

Of course the female orgasm isn't a one-two punch– it's complex and inconsistent and differs from lady to lady…but it's achievable.
For all of these respective women in your life, it's time to get vocal.

Ask her what feels good, what doesn't, and which of those answers corresponds to how her body reacts. Don't be awkward. This is the road to understanding and climax.

Focus on her until she is squirming and freaking the fuck out, and then lay on the final moves to seal the deal. If suddenly she gets stiff or quiet, have the wherewithal to notice and react to that by shifting the focus back to her.

You'll get it. Eventually, they all do.

Well, that's not true at all. But the ones who care do, so I have faith. Godspeed.

Q: Dear Babe,

Question of ethics here. When a girl has a whale tail in an unsuitable situation, is it best to inform her or let the situation slide. Not letting her know about her displayed lingerie doesn't seem right. Unfortunately telling her, especially if I don't know her too well, would land me in an awkward situation. Any words of wisdom?

A: Dear sir,

While your concerns are indeed appreciated, for your own sake, I'd avoid making comments of any kind regarding a random girls lingerie- even if it's meant to be helpful.

It's one thing if it's your girlfriend at your family's country club; or a close girl friend who you feel especially comfortable with. But to be honest, some girls, especially I think in high school, actually do this on purpose.

Okay, I think I might've been one of them. Guilty. Whatever.

It's their way of showing that they're grown up and sexual and lots of other things that they actually aren't at all but want to be– like not a virgin.

You can pretty much assume that a girl will take offense to your callout and probably question why you were looking at her ass…and you just don't wanna go there. So in your words, let the situation slide.

Eventually it'll slide so far up her buttcrack that she'll be forced to notice (and hopefully) rectify it without any prompting.

Q: What do women think of tattoos? And also, what is your/the general opinion of blowjobs?

A: Well curiousguy@hotmail.com, this is quite the two-part question. If I were to answer both with one equally vague response I'd tell you that some like em, some don't.

If I were to break it down to you separately I'd say this:

Almost all girls dig tasteful ink that can be hidden by clothing when visiting the parents. It's “edgy” and “badass” and “different”. Most girls dig even a little bit more, but whether their parents feel the same or not is a different story.

I, personally, am a big fan, and have a little something tasteful myself.

Butterflies and stars across my lower back, of course.

I am, however, only a fan when it's done with thought, purpose, and meaning. “Yeah, this barbed wire sort of like, represents how tough it was getting through pledging” DOES NOT CUT IT. In fact, it does quite the opposite.

Now, as for blowjobs…

Most girls do not like giving them. I mean, can you blame them? Shoving something into the back of your throat repeatedly and having stuff come out at the end just isn't that sweet. But when you're really attracted to someone and/or love them so much that you genuinely just want to give them pleasure, it's great.

I know girls who are vehemently opposed to giving them and others who consider it the ultimate source of control, and either way, I say they're entitled to their own opinion.

Dudes should be grateful for girls wanting to suck their dicks, and NEVER push a girls head down or insist she does the deed. Bro or not, that is some un-gentlemanly shit and will get you nowhere with a halfway respectable woman. Buhhhleeee-dat.

Q: If your bro's new girl keeps telling him that she thinks you don't like her, is she really telling him she doesn't like you?

A: Could be. Or, she could just be generally super insecure and uses that front as a feeler into whether or not you, and the rest of his friends like her. She needs the confidence booster because she can't pick up the signs on her own. It is a shame and annoys me but is also not totally uncommon. Another possibility is that you're actually just a huge dick. Is is that far-fetched for her to think you hate her when you really do, just fucking hate her? Probably not.

She sounds fairly whiney anyways if you're getting wind of this, so I'd continue to be cordial and just go ahead and let the whole thing fizzle out.
You know how these things go.

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[Unhappy woman image via ShutterStock]