Life
by Brandon Cohen on July 11, 2014

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Don’t know how I feel about this cannibal shark. On the one hand, maybe this means sharks are done with eating humans, which I’m definitely down with. On the other hand, maybe they’ve just become so vicious and undiscerning in their attacks that they’re basically like “IDGAF, everyone fair game now. Even my cousin, Eric. Chomp, chomp, chomp.”

It’s an intimidation move. Like in Breaking Bad (I won’t put any spoilers here), but when you know who tries to intimidate Walt and Jesse by slitting that guy’s throat. That was his way of saying, “if I’m gonna do this to my own boy, guess what I’m capable of doing to you?” This shark is saying that same exact thing.

How ’bout the lispy Steven Spielberg filming this whole thing freaking out like he just captured video of the elusive Big Foot? Chill out and act like you’ve been there before. This ain’t about you, we’ve got cannibal sharks to deal with.

Brandon Cohen

About Brandon Cohen...

Brandon Cohen was raised by Jew gypsies on the sleepy island of Manhattan, and went on to defy the odds by graduating from a four-year accredited university in Nashville, TN. He's a writer and aspiring street fight videographer. Back in 2008, Brandon talked to Amanda Bynes at a club in LA for over fifteen minutes.