And what do you get for the man who has everything? Someone who already owns an Xbox One and needs no new winter clothing and whose liquor cabinet is stocked with top-notch booze?
It's frustrating. But you know what he probably doesn't have? Part of a vagina from a woman implicated in a sex scandal with a famous politician.
“But, David,” you say. “Where in the world could I find a curio of such regard? Surely it doesn't exist, and even if it did, it would probably have already been stewed into some sort of witches' fertility brew or steeped in fetid tap water to make Kombucha.”
“Fear not,” I will say. “Because Sydney Leathers is getting a labiaplasty. That's where a certified medicine doctor cuts off parts of your labia so it's smaller (because, ugh flappy box). And Ms. Leather's is saving those removed bits and encasing it in lucite and auctioning it off to the highest bidder.”
…
Fuck everything about the world.
“