What a week this was: The bust of grotesque hookers, 4/20, Earth Day, and even Snoop Dog got into the action by smoking out of a d*ldo. In fact, it was one of those weeks where any number of guys could have made this list. I prefer these weeks, since it makes my life/job that much easier. And really, it's all about me. That's just the modest truth. The Bros who made the cut are below.
5. Richard Branson
Love it when I'm threatened with a reason to put Dick Branson on the list. Guy is a king. And this week it's been announced that he is basically going to give one of his Caribbean islands to Lemurs with the hopes of saving the endangered animal
. Dropping noble acts of kindness... like the knight that he is. I gotta say, though, while I'm all for saving lives here and there, those things are vile-looking creatures, aren't they?
4. Jeffery Ross
What Jeff Ross gave us when he roasted Charlie Sheen this past weekend was a glimpse into what it could be like if Comedy Central actually started to put some polarizing figures, with baggage for days and who are actually trending, on their hot seat. Most of the time during their "Roasts," the Roastee is so blah or uninteresting to the public (Larry the Cable Guy), that the Roasters spend the majority of their time making c*nt jokes at Lisa Lampanelli's expense. Ross laced into Charlie Sheen for 8 straight minutes, firing joke after joke, and only one might have bombed. Easily the best roast in years. Watch it
3. Ray Lewis
At the beginning of his motivational speech
, Ray Lewis asked Elon's football team, "How much time are you really wasting?" Well Ray, those kids are at least blowing through two hours a week on adult entertainment
, 14 hours on TV, an uncountable amount of time trying to get laid, and now they've just lost another eight minutes listening to your speech about not wasting time. Fuckin' Ray Ray, on his mountain top with his decks of cards and dropped murder charges, pretending he doesn't squander time. You don't fool me. That said, I liked the speech because you don't have to be into the whole "preach to me" thing to appreciate it's solid-gold, movie scene–worthy goodness.
2. Beau Worley
I loved this best man dance
/non-speech for one reason: It was shamelessly self-indulgent. At no point was this about anyone else but Beau. He just masqueraded himself around that f*cking stage -- like some 10-year dancing ban had been lifted -- and it was so well performed that no one realized he never said one f*cking kind-hearted word about the married couple or his joy over their finding true love. Bravo, Beau... Bravo.
1. Tim Hetherington
Looking beyond his tragic passing
, if you have any knowledge of this man's life than you'd understand why he is the obvious and only choice. Say what you want about how we pick sappy, feel good stories for Bro of the Week from time to time -- some weeks are slow what can I say? -- but I chose Tim not because he passed away, or because of his work on "Restrepo." Rather, I chose him because he lived his life the exact way he wanted to: on the edge, in the line of fire, and without hesitation. He died the same way. R.I.P.