Ten years ago today, I was in middle school. Seventh grade to be more specific. Like many other guys my age (who also came to realize that the amount of things leaving a girl's vagina was a lot greater than the things entering them) the awkward stage of our lives was finally over -- basically a war against unwanted pubic hair and comparing ones face to a slice of pizza. My friends and I were 13-years-old and we started focusing our attention to some things that are still present in our lives today.
The Group of Bros
Although referring to your friends as your “Bros” in 2003 was not as common as it is today you and your friends did everything together and certainly acted like Bros. From your first sip of beer to hitting the first joint to telling them about the amazing tug job Sally Copperfield gave you (looking back it definitely sucked), you and your 7th grade Bros are still hanging out and experiencing the same type of things today: That first beer turned into Keg Stands, hitting that first joint turned to trying Molly and the not-so amazing tug job you received from Sally Copperfield led to you and one of your Bros Eifel-Towering Sally Copperfield. And yes it’s still very cool to rip on that one friend who has a hot mom/sister you’ve always wanted to bang. And yes it is still very cool for you and your Bros to get excited when you see the “N” for nudity before the start of a TV show (I suggest watching Game of Thrones). You see, ten years has passed but not that much has changed.
Nothing was cooler than being the first kid to own a Nintendo 64 (it was something you could compare to having sex with Summer Sanders behind the big head in the show Figure It Out). Waiting for the last school bell to ring so I can go home and play either Mario Kart 64, GoldenEye 007, 1080, Super Smash Bros, etc. was an amazing feeling. Nowadays skipping class due to Nintendo 64 is more than acceptable and looked up upon in dormitories across the US. I’ll never forget the day I skipped four classes my freshman year to play Designated Driver, one of the many drinking games for Mario Kart 64. Did I forget to hand in an assignment that was due plus waste a little of my parent’s money? Yes. Did I really care? No, because I was playing N64, got drunk with my friends and didn’t have to change out of my Kirkland pajama pants all day. Nintendo 64 > Education.
The Rise of the MILFs
Like many people, I found out what the word MILF stood for after seeing the movie America Pie. The word was funny, the concept was awesome and by the time I was a 7th grader that shit got real serious fast. To this day I will never forget the first MILF I saw. On the weekends, like most 13-year-old boys, me and my friends would play football at one of our rich friends house because he had the biggest lawn. One game, my friend Marc overthrew a pass which was close to the street and like a stereotypical kid who was always taught to look both ways before crossing the street; I kept my eyes on the football and didn't pay attention to the SUV coming my way. No, I didn't get hit by the car or even make the heroic catch, rather, the car skidded and came to a stop nearly hitting me. While I was thanking God for my life, my friend’s neighbor (who was driving the car) got out and asked me if I was okay. That's when I laid my eyes on her. A tall, blonde and recently divorced MILF with big fake tits and enough cleavage hanging out that would give my 88-year-old grandpa a boner. With the newly released 2003 hit song, it was certainly a “Stacy's Mom” moment for me.
Now that it's ten years later we all have realistic chances and stories when it comes to bangin' hot MILFs such as Stacy's mom. Having a good MILF story is truly amazing and something any Bro will cherish both hearing and telling.
Porn, Hard-Ons and Other Bullshit
Nothing like some good ol’ fashioned porn to brighten your day! Not much has changed in the porn industry within the last ten years. We did find out that Minka Kelly has a sex tape but unfortunately we have yet to see it. If your roommates are out, parents aren’t home or you’re just bored out of your mind you will find yourself beatin’ your meat like as constantly as you did ten years ago. Random hard-ons also known as BFNARs (Boners For No Apparent Reason) still occur but are a lot less frequent. Instead, the ongoing battle against Whiskey Dick is more of a concern these days. In 7th grade we couldn’t control the excitement of our dicks and now we can’t get them up when we drink a little too much -- the science of that is just fucked up. The elements of the boner have changed but both will go down in history as a Dick Dilemma’s. Last but not least (and shaking my head as this paragraph continues) we are still dealing with the ‘other bullshit.’ Basically this one goes out to every DUFF found in a group of girls. The DUFF, most commonly known as the Designated Ugly Fat Friend, has continued to cock-block Bros for years. Ten years ago, they were ugly, fat and inaugurated into a group of girls to make them look prettier and keep them from hooking up with guys like us. Since then, they have surpassed their goal at doing this with excellence. Seriously not trying to be a dick but it’s very true. As long as they’re around cock-blocking and other bullshit will continue for another ten years.
The Rap Game Continues To Surprise Us
You never know what to expect with rap music these days. Back in the day rap music was simple, Nelly and Ja Rule were the shit and people were amazed with Slim Shady's movement in the rap world. Kids were getting in trouble by their parents for wearing Eminem T-shirts and dying their hair bleach blonde which apparently was a cool thing to do in 2003. As the years rolled on we have succumbed to listening to modern day rap artists such as 2 Chainz, Big Sean, Drake, Mac Miller, etc. who are not bad at all but surprisingly different in their own ways just like Nelly and Ja Rule once were. Slowly but surely we are also seeing the downfall of Lil Wayne who continues to have much love for his purple drank as well as his skateboard and facial tattoos. Rappers can now take the fighting out of the streets and into social media which is a lot more boring but what can you do. Since we are not in 7th grade any more and have a lot more options than Myspace; YouTube, Twitter and Instagram are the new outlets for rappers to win, lose or get their new albums leaked and you never really know what you're gong to see next. Kind of like our boy Albert who made girls (and unfortunately not that fucking belly button) 'Booty Pop' last summer:
The Ongoing Love for 90's TV Shows
Who doesn't love coming home from work, sitting on the couch and cracking a beer while watching Seinfeld or Boy Meets World? How about early mornings with Zac Morris and AC Slater? Or maybe you can't sleep and you start watching some late night Fresh Prince of Bel Air? These three 90's TV shows have not aged at all during the last ten years, in fact, I'm pretty sure they are only getting better as time goes on. Most of the actors who played these roles in the 90's were very much Bros during this time period except for one or two of the guys from Full House (with the exception of Bob Saget, who made an amazing comeback of appearances in both Half Baked and Entourage). If you're currently on BroBible there's a good chance you didn't watch any of that Full House garbage in the first place. From 1993 to 2003 to 2013 these shows have not aged one bit and will continue to teach people at least one life lesson per episode.