Well it would appear as though it's that time of the week again. And while I often take this introductory paragraph to summarize the past week or insult AG -- because bullying is the shit -- I'll just get right into it/give him a pass since he was born today. As a matter of fact, I'll be the bigger man today and throw our beloved editor an olive branch. Happy Birthday, sweet prince... I hope this day delivers you unto evil. Our Bros of the Week are below.
5. Jack Rappaport
In the wake of the Northwestern University Fuck-saw debacle, this LaSalle University business professor didn't even think twice when he opted to hire str*ppers to come and give his class lap dances. He said he wanted to do it to teach them ethics or something ridiculous like that. You know, because in the real world the ethical thing to do is blow lines off a str*pper's ass to close a deal (it actually is). Predictably, he is standing in a pile of his own shit for this decision.
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4. Charl Schwartzel
As long as this column is under my watch the winner of the Masters -- hands down the greatest tournament in golf -- will always get some f*cking respect. Unless they start letting broads tee it up.
3. Jason Day
You'd think I'd rank Charl higher for winning… but I’m not. Although his victory was impressive, that buck-toothed donkey was the last person that I wanted to see win on Sunday. Same shit happened to me a few years ago when that flabby f*ck Angel Cabrera won. So why Jason Day? Because did you see that wife of his? Easily one of the top 5 hottest WAGs on the PGA Tour.
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2. Wally Backman
The slack-jaws and mouth-breathers in charge of Major League Baseball need to find a way to get Wally Backman in a dugout. Wally's his own conversation, in the same way Brian Wilson is. He is a character. He should have his own show on the f*ckin' USA network for Christ's sake. You can say he has no tact, or that he's a hot head, or that he curses too much. But those are only adding to the reasons why he should be in the “bigs.” That's what the cool kids and Jake Taylor call it.
1. Hugh Hefner
He may not be the world's oldest man (I wonder who is now), but he is certainly the only senior citizen I f*ckin' respect. On April 9, the King of Playboy turned 85 years old. Dude's lived a life the rest of us can only dream of. Even huge stars wish they were Hef. So yes, we are applauding him for just being alive. And doing it like a boss.
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